Let The Wind Blow
by Yulisan
Summary: The Ouran Institute for Psychiatric Rehabilitation. Hikaru's home for 3 years, and in that time his only companion was the violent personality in his head - Yasao. Then there's Haruhi. A damaged brunette whose walls are build so high, no one can get through. But there's something so fascinating about her, and Hikaru can't help but take notice. M for Mature Themes.
1. PROLOGUE

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

 **PROLOGUE**

* * *

"Hey! Wake up!" I shook her shoulder roughly, desperately trying to stir her off the blow up mattress. She groaned, erupting into a violent cough, "It's okay, it's okay" I soothed, "I'm here now"

"Hika?" her voice was a shallow whisper, exhausted and groggy. What the fuck did that bastard give her?

"We have to get you out of here" I said quietly. I didn't know how long he'd be gone for, but I couldn't risk us getting caught. If he found me here, god knows what he would do to me, then to her. I should have told someone we were here – I thought. If he got me too, who the hell would come looking? Who would think to look under the institute? I needed to get her out.

"He's coming" Haruhi hissed as I pulled her up into a sitting position, "He's coming back"

"It's okay" I replied, "He's not here, we need to leave. Fast"

My hands cupped her cheeks, holding her in place so I could assess her face. She was pale and bruised, her lip was split and dried blood coated her chin and nose. Anger rose in my stomach. I could feel Yasao growl inside me, threatening to burst his way out. He was enraged. More than I'd ever felt before. That red hot poker burned through my head, my temples throbbing as Yasao exploded with screams and shouts, threats of death and torture echoing off the walls of my skull.

"Wrap you arms around my neck" I said through gritted teeth. I couldn't afford to blackout, I had to see that I got her out. I couldn't let Yasao go on a rampage just yet.

 _We need to keep her safe –_ I thought to Yasao, _Leave now. Fight later._

He continued to bellow in my head as I lifted Haruhi up off the floor. She was even smaller now, even lighter. Which didn't seem possible since she'd always been so tiny. I could tell that the bastard hadn't been feeding her.

"He's coming" she trembled.

"It's okay, I'm getting us out" my eyes locked onto a tear that began tumbling from her cheek. My stomach clenched.

 _I'm going to gut that piece of shit –_ Yasao cried in my ear.

 _I'm going to rip out his insides one by one and show them to him in the palm of my hand._

 _I'm going to slice him head to toe and drown him in his blood._

"Hika"

 _I'm going to peel the skin from his face and burst his eyes with a pin._

 _I'm going to wire his mouth shut and force him to scream._

 _I'm going to string him up on hooks piercing his flesh._

"Hikaru!"

My eyes focused back on Haruhi, who stared ahead of us. Terror in her tired eyes.

"Well, what do we have here?" a voice smirked in the shadows. I froze on the spot, as Haruhi gasped and tightened her grip on me. I could feel her fear coursing through her body as she began to shake in my arms. A chuckle met our ears, "Don't worry. I'm sure I can find an extra bed"

* * *

 **Hello, hello, hello!**

 **I know some of you have been waiting for this, and I'm so excited to announce that the rewrite of Let The Wind Blow is coming! I have made a few changes to the story I originally started, the most notable being that the story will now be in Hikaru's point of view. Some of the plot has been changed also, but overall I am so happy to share it with you!**

 **When I first started writing LTWB I had a vision as to how the story would go, and since the subject matters were somewhat sensitive I wanted to make sure I did it right and that I was 100% happy with what I was putting out there.**

 **Chapter 1 will be on it's way this month, and I hope you're going to enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it!**

 **Chapter 16 of Coffee Shops and Cameras is now live! Please remember to Review/Favourite/Follow, your support means the world to me!**

 **Also if you have any questions or comments, or are interested in news and updates about other stories and upcoming projects, please follow me on twitter! - /YulisanWrites.**

 **Much love,**

 **Yuli xxxx**


	2. Chapter 1

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

Chapter 1

* * *

The screams followed me down the hallway, the white walls and clinical tiles reflecting the sound of misery and illuminating the madness behind the cell door windows. My hands remained behind my back as the warden lead me towards the recreation room for my two hours of play. My last two hours of play.

Behind those doors were several docile residents, ones who wouldn't bother me whilst I ran laps around the room. The recreational times were arranged so that the people who shared the allotted times wouldn't clash. For example, they never put me in the rec room with Torai, not since Yasao took a dislike to him.

Yasao chuckled in my head, a faint echo in the furthest part of my brain.

I'd been a resident at Ouran Institute for 3 years now, diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder. Which is a long way of saying that I had someone else living in my head. It wasn't as interesting or quirky as the movies might make you think, actually, it was a living hell. Most problems you can run away from, hide from, ignore, but not this. The voice in my head was ever present, constantly whispering in my ear, sharing his thoughts and infecting my own. He never seemed to sleep or take a day off, he lived to torture me, and loved every second of it.

I'd been locked away in the red wing for almost the entirety of my time here at Ouran. I'd spent maybe a week in the general amber wing where residents with slightly more moderate conditions found themselves. Those who weren't a danger to themselves or others. I was only there on a probationary trial, to see how I settled in with the other residents. But Yasao had other ideas. The reason I'd been brought here in the first place was because of him, Yasao had an ugly temper, and back when I was unmedicated - Yasao found it a lot easier to slip into my bloodstream and take over every nerve. Then I'd simply...drift into darkness, whilst Yasao took the driver's seat. I could wake up anytime between 1 hour and 2 days later, and always with bloodied knuckles and a sick sense of dread in my gut.

Yasao chuckled in my head, a faint echo in the furthest part of my brain. His voice was always there, but at least during my time in the red wing I'd learned how to stop him from taking over. I don't even remember the day I was brought here, I just woke up in the cell. I'd been told that on the last day of my stay in the amber wing I'd been waiting in line for lunch when some guy pushed in front of me, we argued, then I picked up a tray and clubbed him across the face with it, wailing on him until his face was a bloodied mess as I laughed hysterically. It took 5 wardens to restrain me and drag me to the red wing. I hadn't had a violent spell for months now, not since my newest prescription of medication.

 _What was taking them so long to release me?_

I'd already received the green light to be moved to the amber wing. So why prolong the hell of the red wing?

The warden lead me inside the recreation room, leaving me stood there to "socialise" and "relax". The idea was laughable, there wasn't a single person in there who enjoyed it. Yes, it was nice to be out of my room, but the rec room was just a larger version of the cells we slept in. Cold, empty, and impersonal. There were a few residents scattered around the room. Some sitting in the corners on the floor, with books, some with soft crayons and paper, others perched on the old stained sofas in the centre of the room. There was a small TV playing a video of an old soap opera that quietly drowned out some of the sobs and silent mumbles. In total there were maybe 7 people in here.

A redhead who I recognised but didn't know by name stared blankly at her hands cradled in her lap. She seemed to be completely checked out, lights on, no one home. She'd been here longer than I had, and not once had I heard her speak. Only scream, usually at anyone who tried to go near her, talk to her or even look at her for too long.

Aside from her, the only other resident in the room I could call close to an acquaintance was Miho. He was a violent schizophrenic, which meant like me he had a voice in his head. But for him it was several voices constantly talking. He described them as a chorus bellowing through speakers in an empty auditorium, echoing off the walls and telling him to do things he didn't want to do. He was brought here last year after he tried to kill his family in a house fire, he said the voices told him to cleanse them. To burn them. He lost control.

I was thankful Yasao never killed anyone, but I knew he wanted to. It was why I was here. Yasao didn't need to tell me to do something, because he could take the wheel and do it on his own. He didn't need me, he just needed my body.

Miho was running laps around the room, his breathing heavy and laboured. When he saw me he offered an enthused wave.

"Hey! Man of the hour!" He greeted with a wild grin, "I thought you were out of here already?"

"I thought I would be too" I shrugged, "But I should be out first thing in the morning"

"The amber wing huh? Sounds like paradise"

I scoffed, "Anything but here sounds like paradise"

"You nervous?"

"Hell no. I get a room that isn't a cell, food that isn't slid under the door, free rein of the building, visitation twice a week. I can't wait"

"You spoken to your brother yet?"

He was referring to my twin Kaoru. He was on the outside and took it the hardest when I was brought here. It was my biggest regret when Yasao sabotaged my stay in the amber wing, because when you were in the red wing visitation was rare, we could speak on the phone and maybe have some form of face to face contact once a month, behaviour dependant, but in the amber wing it was twice a week, and you could call whenever you wanted. It was my main motivation for my recovery, I needed my brother, I could only imagine how he'd felt when our contact was cut off. My parents were of course hurt too, but they had enough distractions to keep themselves occupied, but there was something different when it came to a twin.

"I have a call with him tonight" I replied.

"I envy you, I don't think I'll ever be transferred" Miho shrugged, then raised his fist to his temple and knocked it several times. This was his twitch, whenever the voices crept in he'd "tap them out" as he said. Obviously it didn't work, but somehow it always seemed to settle him.

"That's not true" I said optimistically, "You've improved"

"Not enough though" he said solemnly, "But still, I'm excited for you. Try and send me a note when you're out, I want to hear all about it"

I returned to my room after my recreation time. I packed and repacked the bag I'd been given in my room. I didn't have much to take with me, just a photo of my family and I, and the little amount of clothes I possessed. We had to wear the institute scrubs so it wasn't like I had anything personal, but I had several pairs of grey sweats and sweaters. The same as everyone else in this building.

When morning came I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at the door until I heard footsteps approaching.

When it slowly unlocked and swung open, 2 men dressed in staff uniform were revealed. They nodded at me with understanding, stoic expressions on their harsh faces.

"You ready Hitachiin?" the one on the left asked.

I took in a sharp breath, then tipped my head slowly, "As ready as I've ever be"

* * *

I stared at the chairman's door, the warden at my side, arms folded, eyes trained on me. I was here, I was finally here. After almost 3 years in the hell hole of the red wing, I was finally standing in the main institute building.

I could hear the sounds of laughter from other residents, echoing down the hallway. A big difference from the manic screams and ramblings heard in the red wing.

Mr Suoh. The chairman. I'd only seen him a handful of times during my time here. Once when I arrived, once when I was moved to the red wing, and maybe twice more during my recovery process. The last time we'd spoken was when he gave me the news that I'd made enough progress to transfer back to amber, in that moment he was my most favourite human being in the world.

The warden cleared his throat, "You know he's expecting you right?"

I glanced at him, "I know I'm just...taking it in"

"Can you do that a little faster, I have another kid to escort"

I frowned. _Nice bedside manner, dick._

"Master Hitachiin" Chairman Suoh greeted as I entered the office. He smiled behind a grand desk. His room was spacious, elegant, filled with antique furniture, the walls lined with high bookcases filled with old leather bound books. He gestured to a seat in-front of him, "Sit. We have much to talk about"

I bowed respectfully and did as instructed.

My induction was just as I remembered. Long and boring. He outlined my probationary period. 3 weeks. In that time I would have to prove my place in the amber wing. Which meant no fighting, no criminal damage, no outbursts of the Yasao kind, and no attempted murder. I could manage that. But I couldn't speak for Yasao.

"You will report to Dr. Huroi every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 3.30pm after classes. I have your schedule and timetable in your room, as well as a map of the building"

I scoffed, "You make it sound like a fancy boarding school, not an institute for the mentally insane"

"We don't use that word here. No one here is insane. Mental health is something we respect, we don't make fun of it"

 _Clearly this man has never actually experienced any disorder..._

"It certainly feels like insanity" I grumbled, "On the outside looking in on those who can achieve normal human emotions without the need of chemicals. I feel like an experimental chimp"

"People come in all different forms, brains and minds included. Don't write yourself off as something less than everyone else on this earth just because you see the world in a different way"

I held back a sarcastic scoff. In the red wing they told us what we were from the offset. We were insane. We were _abnormal._ We would _never_ have a place for us in society that didn't hurt others. If the chairman thought we were all the same but unique, maybe he should have extended that memo across the courtyard.

It took almost an hour for Mr Suoh to go over everything I needed to know. From what I could understand, the amber wing was completely different to the red wing. In every sense. The fact that I would be allowed to walk around whenever I wanted (within curfew of course), without being escorted, or worse, cuffed, blew my freaking mind. I'd spent years in a white room, listening to the echoes of wails and screeches from down the hall, only being allowed freedom for 1 hour a day. Like prison. But worse.

I was led around the building, fascinated by all the residents who walked on past. It had been a while since I'd seen a smile not caused by hysteria. I stared dumbfounded, like an alien meeting humans for the first time, and slowly trailed behind the chairman as he showed me classrooms, activity rooms, the library, the infirmary, and finally the staircase that would take me to my room. My _room,_ not cell. A real room.

I couldn't understand why Mr Suoh, who seemed to care an awful lot about his young residents, didn't extend this same devotion to the red wing. I got that the residents there were of a different level of care, and needed far more extreme boundaries. But the amber wing hadn't seemed to have even cast a shadow over the red wing. They were just nothing alike.

"I think you might have a welcoming party" Mr Suoh chuckled to himself as we reached the peak of the staircase. I furrowed my forehead as I followed his gaze, settling on the small group of residents huddled in a seated alcove with an electric fireplace blazing beside them.

 _Oh god. People._

I couldn't exactly run away, no matter how tempting it was.

Mr Suoh smiled warmly, encouraging me to continue following his lead.

The small group of residents looked at me with curious eyes, almost as if they were surprised by my appearance. I couldn't blame them really. They'd probably expected to see some 7ft tall beast snarling curses at them and babbling insanities, after all, not many red wing patients made it into the amber wing, only the stories and rumours had seemed to make it across the estate.

There were 4 of them, all male. 2 blonds, one tall and neat and one small who looked almost like a child. It made me wonder just how young some of the residents were. From what I could recall, the youngest here were about 15, but this boy looked as if he were no older than 10. The other 2 were tall and domineering, the one who sat beside the young boy was huge, like some professional fighter or a giant from a fiction novel. And the other regarded me with what could only be described as the demeanour of a gentleman with years of extensive education as he stared at me behind a pair of thin rimmed glasses.

"Good morning boys" Mr Suoh beamed, "How are we all today?"

A quiet chorus of ' _fine'_ s and ' _good thank you_ 's came in reply.

The chairman nodded in approval, "This here is Hikaru" he said, "He's just getting settled in" a firm hand patted my shoulder and suddenly I felt like I had a target painted on my chest as the attention was brought back to me.

I cleared my throat, but "Hi" was all I could seem to manage.

Mr Suoh threw out a group of names, all of which went right over my head as I tried my best to wrap my head around how normal these residents seemed. These guys would be my new neighbours. Which felt strange as I compared them to my old ones who kept me up through the night with their screams and banging on the wall. Rina especially who was convinced she was being followed by her childhood friend who she'd tried to strange with a school tie.

"Well then" Mr Suoh clapped his hands together, "I'll leave you to get yourself situated. If you have any questions my door is always open, but I'm sure my son can answer them better than I can" he looked over at the taller blond, who grinned back.

I blinked in confusion. Mr Suoh's son was a resident here?

 _ **Chairman Suoh doesn't trust you. He's buddied you up with his son to keep an eye on you**_ _–_ Yasao mocked me with a teasing tone, _**Looks like you've got your own babysitter, how cute.**_

I grit my teeth and ignored him, doing my best to focus back on the group of awaiting residents. I shook Mr Suoh's hand as he said goodbye, and left me standing there like some awkward kid on his first day at school.

"Well" tall blond smiled, "Take a seat" he nodded to the one unoccupied chair that sat between the one Mr Suoh had called 'Kyoya', and the smaller blond who was called... _uh, I want to say...Honi-no-something?_

"Thanks" I replied cautiously, trying not to feel bad about how cold my tone of voice sounded.

 _ **I wonder how crazy these guys are? Who do you think will smother you in your sleep first?**_ \- Yasao jeered.

 _Fuck off –_ I snarled back inwardly.

"Bit different from red I presume?" Kyoya mumbled, barely looking at my face.

I scoffed, "This place is practically Disneyland"

Tall blond laughed.

 _Damn, what was his name again?_

"Have you been given the tour?" he asked, "Dad's usually pretty thorough so don't worry if you're a little overwhelmed"

I shrugged, "I'm sure it'll all sink in"

The men stared at me, with looks on their faces that told me there was so much they wanted to say and ask. I sighed.

 _Let's get this over with..._

"You guys want to ask me anything?" I leaned back in my chair and ran a hand through my hair.

Suddenly their expressions changed to ones of embarrassment, as if they were ashamed they hadn't hidden their curiosity well enough.

"We're gonna be neighbours right?" I raised an eyebrow, "Would probably be for the best if we knew each other?"

They let out a collective sigh.

"How about we start?" tall blond offered a reassuring smile, "Sound good?"

I shrugged, "Sure" I replied, "So...what's the chairman's son doing in here?"

 _May as well get the big question out of the way first_

"Tamaki has a reason for being here. Just as we all do" Kyoya said matter-of-factly.

 _Tamaki. Oh right, that was his name._

Tamaki smirked, seemingly completely unaffected by my question as if I were asking nothing more than what he had for breakfast, "I have a condition called Agoraphobia. I don't like being too far away from somewhere I can escape to. I get a lot of panic attacks, always have done. It was one of the reasons why Dad put so much time and resources into this place. Before I came here I was practically bound to my room, I couldn't even go to school because I couldn't bring myself to leave the house"

 _ **Room bound huh? He would have loved our old cell.**_

Once again, I did my best to ignore Yasao's amused voice.

"Honey has a developmental disorder" he continued, gesturing to the smaller blond, "He has the mind of a child. He's made great progress here though, he's now able to take the same classes as the younger residents here. When he arrived he was barely able to read or write"

Honey grinned widely.

"How old are you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He flashed 10 fingers, then 8 and winked.

 _ **18? This kid is our age?! Now I've seen it all.**_

 _Shut up Yasao. Just shut the hell up._

"Mori is mute" Tamaki nodded to the huge guy who sat beside Honey, "He's never spoken a word, that we know of"

"Takashi has a great smile though" Honey beamed.

"Honey and Mori are cousins" Tamaki explained, "On the outside there were people who weren't very kind to Honey, Mori had a lot of anger because of that. Which is why he's here. Some residents are here due to sentencing in court, Mori is one of those who cannot leave until he is deemed safe to reenter society"

To that remark Mori scoffed, but said nothing.

"And Kyoya-"

Kyoya put up a finger to silence the chairman's son, "I can explain myself thank you" he said, his tone completely void of emotion, "I have a mixture of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Sociopathy"

"Sociopathy?" I questioned.

"Lack of empathy or feeling towards others" he answered.

"Egotist! Egotist!" Honey clapped.

 _ **Finally, someone I can see eye to eye with. We'll get along swimmingly. I can't wait to meet him properly.**_

 _You're not meeting anyone. You're staying put._

 _ **Tut tut Hikaru, you're not being very fair. Perhaps I'd like to make some friends too.**_

 _No one wants to be your friend._

"So..." Tamaki trailed off, "What about you?"

I blinked, "I'd assume the son of the chairman would know"

He shook his head with a polite smile, "Private information about residents isn't freely given out by the staff. If Dad were to tell me everyone's situations he would be reprimanded"

 _ **They're going to think you're insane.**_

I cleared my throat, "I uh...I have Dissociative Identity Disorder..."

It still sounded strange being said aloud. I remembered the first time someone had used it to define me, it hadn't seemed real then and didn't seem real now.

"What's that?" Honey cocked his head and furrowed his brows. I could tell the other residents clearly knew, but none of them seemed to want to inturrupt.

I looked back at Honey, "It's a...fancy way of saying I have another person in my head"

By the look on Honey's face he still didn't understand.

I sighed.

"I have 2 personalities. I'm the real one, and in my head there's this...other one. When I came here he could take over my body whenever he wanted and do what he liked"

 _ **Real one? Haven't heard you say that in a while.**_

"Where do _you_ go?" Honey asked.

I shrugged, "It kind of feels like I've fallen asleep. I black out and can't remember what happened"

 _ **I suppose you're not going to introduce me?**_

 _Never._

"Did he get you into trouble?" Honey's wide brown eyes looked almost upset.

I nodded slightly, "Trouble would be putting it mildly"

The space went silent then, my voice trailing off into nothing as the men all looked at me with a mixture of quiet understanding and slight apprehension.

 _ **I think the giant is going to smother you first.**_

"Well" Tamaki cleared his throat, "It's good to have you here. You wouldn't be the first resident with DID, all are welcome"

 _ **This guy's cheery attitude is starting to piss me off.**_

It was nice to hear that there were others like me. Of course there were also quite a few residents in the red wing with some form of DID, but obviously, all of those people were dangerous.

 _ **Just like you.**_

 _No. Not me. You._

"Since it's the weekend there are no classes today, so I'm sure you'll be meeting most of the others on the floor soon enough. It's been some time since we've had a new neighbour, so expect to be pretty popular for the next week while they get used to you" Tamaki grinned, forcing the uneasy feeling in my gut to dissipate slightly.

I let out a heavy breath, one I had seemed to be holding for a while.

 _Now all I have to do is keep Yasao under control._

 _ **I hate it when you talk about me as if I were a rabid dog.**_

 _A rabid dog would be too kind of a description for you._

As the group conversed amongst themselves the sound of footsteps echoed across the floor. I couldn't see where they were coming from as the staircase was behind me, but as the conversation died down to complete silence, I could tell that whoever it was, wasn't someone they were pleased to see. Everyone averted their eyes. I turned to look.

Standing on the top step, looking across the hallway, was a slender brunette. She had glowing pale skin and large rich hazel eyes that seemed to penetrate every corner of the third floor. They were curious, but there was also something dark about them.

 _ **Looks like we have another friend to make acquaintance with.**_

* * *

 **Surpriiiiiiiiise! I've been sitting on this chapter for a while now and wasn't sure when to publish it, but since Coffee Shops and Cameras is starting to reach it's end I decided this would be the best way to cheer me up! I've wanted to properly start putting this story back out there but since it's been a project I've had some bad luck with I didn't want to jump the gun - so to speak.**

 **I'm hoping to keep on top of this one, but as I've explained previously, due to the subject matter I want to do this right and carefully.**

 **Anyway, I really hope you've enjoyed this update. Please let me know what you think :D**

 **Lots of love!  
Yuli xxx**


	3. Chapter 2

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

Chapter 2

* * *

Hush fell across the hall, a complete 180 from how lively and friendly they had all been moments before as they had filled me in on the goings-on at the institute. Looking at them now it was a stark difference from their previous welcoming smiles.

My eyes remained trained on the girl who stood at the top of the staircase, for some reason I felt like I really shouldn't have been staring, since everyone else had rushed to look away very obviously. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to avert my attention from her.

She was actually rather pretty with the way her shoulder length hair hung around her heart shaped face in wisps, and the way those long lashes fanned over her bewitching hazel eyes with every blink. She wore the same grey scrubs as everyone else with the standard grey sweater over-top, but hers seemed to hang off her small frame as if they were 2 sizes too big for her. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, why did everyone look away from her with...fear?

I felt Haninozuka nudge my shoulder, silently telling me to look away, but once again I just couldn't manage it.

The girl noticed me staring and snarled, her eyes glaring towards me as she approached. I was taken aback by the sudden change from sweet and cute to downright bitter as those lovely eyes darkened and furrowed at me like she was disgusted by my presence. I gulped.

"Who's this?" She grumbled, training her eyes on me but clearly not addressing me. She took a few long steps towards us, then stopped just beside the alcove where we sat. Not too close, but close enough. Physically she wasn't a very domineering figure, she couldn't have been any taller than 5ft and she had the smooth complexion of a beautiful little china doll, but the way she looked at everyone with such disinterest somehow made _me_ feel no bigger than a bug under the heel of her shoe.

Haninozuka twiddled his thumbs, "This is Hikaru Hitachiin. He's new"

"Hitachiin?" She seemed to consider me questioningly, "You're the one who came from the red wing, right?"

My mouth hung open, "Uh..."

"Stop staring at me"

"I...I wasn't-"

"Eyes. Down" She motioned me to look away.

Okay...so she didn't like people looking at her...that wasn't exactly unusual. In the red wing you were encouraged to never look someone in the eye, unless you wanted to end up in the infirmary.

I looked at the point of her chin instead, "I don't believe I got your name"

"You didn't" she mumbled, "You didn't answer my question"

"Am I from the red wing?" I cleared my throat, "Yes, I've only just been brought up"

I felt her eyes trail over me, as if she were sizing me up. I'd had it done to me many times before, people liked to assess me, see if they could seek out my dangerous attributes.

 _ **I want to look at her again. Look up.**_

 _She doesn't like being stared at._

 _ **Just a peek...**_

Usually I didn't entertain Yasao's requests, but for some reason this time I actually agreed with him. I quickly stole a glance at her, once again admiring her lovely little face that didn't pair in the slightest with her personality. I darted my eyes back down to the floor once her eyes lifted to me again.

"Hmm" she uttered to herself quietly. For a moment I thought she was going to ask me something else, but instead, she surprised me by turning around and walking away. At the sound of her footsteps I looked back up at her, and just watched as she made her way down the corridor towards the dorm rooms and disappeared around the corner. I blinked rapidly.

 _ **Well she's a real ray of sunshine.**_

A collective sigh chorused around me, and my attention was brought back to the group of residents gathered together, they were slumped back in their seats as if all the tension had been sucked from their bodies.

"Who was that?" I asked hesitantly.

"Haru-chan" Haninozuka answered, "We like Haru-chan"

I scoffed, because after what I just witnessed, I was struggling to find a single quality to _like_ , "We do?"

"Haruhi is a little...rough around the edges, but she's not _so_ bad" Tamaki attempted to explain, "She just doesn't like it when people look at her"

"She looked at me like she wanted to kill me" I raised an eyebrow.

"She also doesn't like new people"

"You guys looked pretty scared"

Their replies didn't come as quickly as I assumed they would, instead they seemed a little unsure of what to say. It was Kyoya who answered first.

"Haruhi's moods can be a little unpredictable" he said, "And she'll already be thrown off by having someone new on the floor"

"Haru-chan gets mad sometimes" Haninozuka pouted, "I used to be really scared of her, but one time at lunch, that meanie Benibara laughed at me and called me a baby for bringing Usa-chan to eat with me, but then Haru-chan heard her and dragged her out of the cafeteria. Benibara hasn't been mean to me for a long time now"

 _ **Sounds like a real defender of the innocent, guess that means you're fucked.**_

 _Only if you ruin it for us._

"So...what's wrong with her?" I asked in a hushed tone, feeling suddenly weary that Haruhi might still be in ear shot.

Once again it was silent as they exchanged looked amongst themselves, as if they were quietly conversing.

"Discussing other resident's conditions isn't allowed" Tamaki said plainly, "We don't have the right to 'out' her like that"

"Not that we actually know ourselves" Kyoya murmured.

"Huh?" I questioned.

"Haruhi doesn't talk about why she's here" he shrugged.

"Kyoya" Tamaki warned.

"What?" he replied, "It's true. Even if we were allowed to talk about it we wouldn't have anything to say. All anyone knows is that she has a short fuse"

"How long has she been here?" I asked, suddenly feeling all the more curious.

"6 months or so" Kyoya continued, "She was admitted here by a cop"

"So does that mean she's serving a sentence like..." my eyes trailed over to Mori who stared at me blankly, as if he weren't paying 100% attention, "...like some of the other residents"

"We don't think so, she doesn't have the same probation meetings residents like Mori get"

"I think we should stop talking about this" Tamaki cleared his throat uncomfortably, "If she heard you you could make her regress"

I sat back in my chair, "Regress?"

"She gets treatment just like everyone else, and her outbursts have been less and less, but hearing people talking about her could undo all that work. And that's not fair"

 _ **This Tamaki guy seems to have a soft spot for pretty girl.**_

I sighed, trying to hold back all the other questions I wanted to ask. But maybe my first day wasn't the best time to start poking the bear. Making an enemy would definitely hinder my ability to settle in. Honestly all I wanted to do was find my room and enjoy an un-wardened shower.

After some more small talk and introductions to the amber wing, Tamaki was helpful enough to walk me to my dorm room. He was probably the most normal person I'd come into contact with in years, which was crazy to say considering we were still in a psychiatric institute. But to be honest, for someone whose condition was a fear of vast open space and leaving the confines of a building – the institute was probably the best place he could be. I wondered if his treatment involved going on trips on the outside, to me that sounded amazing. I was rarely allowed outside whilst in the red wing, maybe once a week some of us would be allowed out into the yard for an hour or so, but the idea of actually being able to leave the premises for a few hours made me want to cry with happiness.

 _ **Do you really think they'd trust you enough to let you outside? Don't be stupid.**_

Tamaki stopped outside one of the brown mahogany doors, he gestured to the coded keypad on the wall beside it. For a moment I was confused, then I remembered the piece of paper the chairman had handed me during the induction. I fished it out of my pocket and typed out the number written down. There was a light clicking sound, then Tamaki grasped the handle and pushed the door open.

 _Woooow..._

 _ **Wow indeed...**_

"Since today is your first day you won't need to go to any lessons, Dad made sure your room was stocked with clothes and books, the bathroom should have soap and shampoo but if you need anything else come and find me and I'll make sure someone brings you whatever you need" Tamaki continued talking about lunch and dinner times but honestly I was only half listening, I was too bust taking in the sight of my new room.

Compared to my old room in the red wing this dorm was practically a 5 star hotel room. I had a decent looking bed, a desk with books piled high, a large closet, an adjoining bathroom and to top it off – a window. I hadn't had a window in years. I could open it, get some air, I could look out and see the courtyard, the sunshine, the rain. I couldn't hold back the smile that spread across my face.

"If you ever need a warden you can use the phone on your desk to call someone, the extension will be your room number and someone will come up as soon as they-"

"Wait. Phone?" The mention of the word made me tear my gaze away from my new window, I looked at Tamaki with wide hopeful eyes, "Can I...can I make external calls?"

"Only to the approved numbers in your file" he shrugged, "Anyone else and the line won't connect, you also can't call any other dorm room"

"But family. I can call family right?"

Tamaki shrugged again, "Sure as long as their number is in the system"

 _Kaoru. Can I call Kaoru?_

"Can I check?" I asked almost frantically.

A small smile lifted at the corners of Tamaki's lips, "Sure, go ahead"

I almost dove head-first into the room, not caring to look back and see if Tamaki had decided to hang around and wait or if he'd gone back to the others. I found the phone almost instantly and lifted it to my ear, then began pressing Kaoru's number into the the old landline dock. For a grave moment I thought the phone wasn't going to connect. Maybe his number wasn't in the system yet? Maybe my phone hasn't been connected yet?

Then the most amazing sound met my ears.

Ringing.

My grin spread from ear to ear.

This meant I wouldn't have to put in a request to call him once a week, I'd actually get to have a real relationship with my brother, I could call him everyday, hear all about what he's doing on the outside, I could talk to Mom and Dad, I could -

"Hello?"

My mouth dropped open at the sound of my brother's voice.

Even though I'd only spoken to him the night before, there was something so unbelievably surreal about being able to stand in a room alone and speak to him so freely. I felt my stomach do a flip and suddenly I felt like crying.

 _I can do this everyday._

 _ **And you really think he'll want to talk to you everyday? It's only a matter of time before he stops caring, just like Mom and Dad.**_

"Kao?"

Kaoru's breath hitched, "Hika?"

"Yeah" I beamed, "Yeah it's me"

"I wasn't expecting to hear from you this soon! How is it? How's your room? What are the other residents like? When can I visit?"

I breathed out a chuckle, feeling more at ease than I had done in a while. I turned to look back at the door, remembering how Tamaki had been standing there. But to my surprise the open doorway was empty – leaving just myself and Kao.

 _ **How do you forget about me so easily?**_

I grumbled inwardly to Yasao, then turned my attention back to my twin who seemed to still be rattling off questions down the phone.

"Jeez slow down" I laughed, "Uh...right, rewind, it's fine I guess, different, nice...the residents on my floor seem okay"

"Have you made friends already?"

I shrugged, "Maybe. I'm not sure yet..."

 _The guys seem okay..._

"What's your room like?" I could hear the smile in Kaoru's voice, which only made my grin spread wider. I pulled out the seat rolled under my desk and sat down. From where the desk was positioned I was able to look right out of the window at the courtyard. Between the droplets of rain and fog, I could see the 'red' building across the estate - hidden behind the heavily wooded area that separated the 3 wings.

I looked away and cleared my throat, "It's great, I get my own bathroom and everything" I smirked, "Also a phone..."

"What? You have your own phone?!" Kaoru gasped.

"Yeah" I grinned, "Which means you're going to get pretty sick of the sound of my voice"

"Not likely" he laughed.

"Hey uh...has Mom and Dad said anything about my transfer?" I chewed my lip anxiously.

Kaoru made a sound that didn't fill me with much confidence, "Not...really. But they've been busy with work so I haven't really seen them. They'll be home after dinner, maybe you could call later and talk to them"

I shifted uncomfortably on my seat, "Yeah...maybe"

 _ **Why bother? They hate you. Do you really think they want to hear how their disgrace of a son is doing in the insane asylum?**_

A slight creak behind me distracted me from shouting back at Yasao. I turned my head to see Haruhi as she walked past my open doorway in the direction of the other residents.

 _ **Looks like we're neighbours.**_

 _I guess so..._

Kaoru and I spoke for what felt like forever. It felt great to be able to talk without worrying about a warden tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to wrap it up. We had as much time as we needed.

"Hika I have to go, but you'll call tonight right?"

I nodded, "I'll call right after dinner...whenever that is..."

 _I should probably ask Tamaki or one of the others about that..._

"Talk to you later Kao"

"Bye Hika, remember – best behaviour"

I chuckled, "I'll try"

* * *

After the phonecall with Kaoru I took a shower, spending far too much time enjoying the warm spray in the privacy of my own room. I took my time exploring my new dorm, finding that my closet was full of clean institute uniforms as well as some casual clothes for the weekends when we were allowed to dress freely. My old room was stark white so the wardens could clearly see any dirt or blood, the bed was too short for my 6ft form, uncomfortable too. Like, _really_ uncomfortable. And there was no natural light in the room, no window or fresh air, just artificial lights from the ceiling that buzzed continuously.

Once I'd towelled off my hair I threw my scrubs back on and stood by the door, staring at it as if I were willing it to open. The last thing I wanted to do was stay locked up in my room, I'd spent most of the last 3 years shut away from everything else and I'd be damned if I was going to do that willingly.

The guys were exactly where I'd left them in the seated area by the stairs, they were speaking quietly to one another, laughing a little, smiling. I made my way towards them, but the closer I got I noticed another person sitting with them on the floor about a foot away from the chairs.

I gulped, suddenly not sure whether I should join them or not.

 _ **Sit.**_

 _She doesn't like new people..._

I reluctantly turned around, feeling like I had no choice but to return to my room, but as I faced away, a small voice called out - "Hika-chan!" which stopped me in my tracks, "I saved you a seat next to Takashi!"

Haninozuka really was completely unaware of awkward social situations. _Clearly_ Haruhi wouldn't want me to sit with them.

I let out a long breath.

"We're heading to lunch, we thought we'd wait and show you where the cafeteria is" Tamaki spoke up.

 _ **How cute –**_ Yasao's voice mocked.

"You sure that's okay?" I looked at him and folded my arms, my eyes flickering over to Haruhi who was staring into a book. He seemed to understand my silent caution.

"Yeah, don't worry about it" He offered a confident smile back, which eased my concerns.

Everyone jumped to their feet, well, everyone aside from Haruhi, who waited until we'd gotten to the staircase before slowly standing up and closing her book. I lingered at the back, watching as she delicately placed the hardback onto one of the bookshelves. She looked like she was daydreaming, like she was running on auto-pilot and wasn't entirely aware of what was happening around her. But she had such a peaceful expression on her face.

 _This girl is weird._

 _ **Pfft. And you're one to talk.**_

 _I didn't say it was a bad thing._

At that moment, Haruhi seemed to snap out of her reverie and turn to the stairs with urgency, only to meet my curious gaze.

She scowled and strode up to me.

"Stop staring at me" she practically snarled.

"I-"

Before I could even finish working out what my reply was going to be, she walked straight past me without a second glance - leaving me stood there with what was probably a pretty lame expression on my face.

 _ **You know what? I'm gonna say it. I like her.**_

I scoffed with false amusement.

"Yeah, you would"


	4. Chapter 3

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

Chapter 3

* * *

It wasn't easy finding my feet in the amber wing. Days had passed and still I couldn't help but feel out of place amongst the other residents. Compared to the people I'd come to recognise in the red wing – these residents seemed almost _too_ normal. And that was a bold statement to make in a psychiatric institute – since no one here was _normal._

I'd managed to speak to Kaoru every-night, and I'd even been able to have a short conversation with Dad. It went as well as expected – which wasn't much. Dad wasn't much of a 'sharer' so the conversations mainly consisted of asking how his work was and if I'd slept well. Mom however seemed to be avoiding me like the plague, I'd say I was surprised but I'd be lying. Mom had never adjusted to the change when she and Dad finally brought me here. I didn't know if it was guilt for sending me away, or if she just wanted to pretend I didn't exist. Either way, she didn't want to talk just yet.

Kaoru made up for it though. He wanted to know everything I was thinking and feeling, almost asking for a minute-by-minute recap of my days and how Yasao was adjusting. He seemed to approve of the residents I was slowly becoming friends with. He'd always told me how important it was for me to get to know other people since more often than not I was alone with Yasao, that wasn't exactly do-able in the red wing, but here in amber I was finally starting to take his advice

Tamaki turned out to be a pretty good guy. I wasn't too sure about this 'buddy system' thing, but Tamaki seemed to take it seriously. Thanks to him I'd managed to get to know the other guys, to a point where I felt okay sitting with them and eating beside them at meal times. I found myself being able to joke around and smile as I used to before this whole shit-show began – I was almost reminded of the times where Kaoru and I used to be together. I could feel myself getting comfortable, and that both excited me and terrified me at the same time.

The only down side seemed to be Haruhi.

I hadn't really made a lot of progress with her. In fact, it felt like she hated my guts. To be honest I could take or leave her company, but the other guys seemed to be pretty attached to her. Which meant she was always around the corner some way or another. We'd have mealtime together, we would sit in the courtyard together, sometimes we would sit in the hallway just talking. Haruhi would drift into these events unpredictably. Sometimes she was always there, sometimes she wasn't. This girl truly danced to the beat of her own drum. You could never predict where she would be, or what mood she would be in.

Generally she seemed indifferent; quiet, unassuming. But there had been moments I'd witnessed when she'd let her emotions overcome her and her anger would shine through. For example, on my third day in the amber wing we were sat in the cafeteria eating dinner. Haruhi sat with us, and hadn't spoken much since I'd joined in with the group that afternoon. As we ate quietly, another resident had decided to sit himself right beside her on the bench. He was twitchy, like... _really_ twitchy, and kept looking at her with his wide eyes, fingernails scraping along his nibbling teeth.

She said the same thing she had said to me - "Stop staring at me"

But instead of looking away or apologising, he just laughed. It could have been a nervous laugh but to be honest it were as if he'd heard the funniest joke of the day, and his eyes remained trained on her the whole time.

It was the first time I was able to really see what the guys meant about Haruhi's 'short fuse'.

She stood from her seat and grabbed the guy by the collar, then threw him straight off the bench backwards, and onto the floor with a loud slam. She then sat back down and continued with her food, as if nothing had happened, whilst the guy groaned and crawled away.

Those who saw didn't dare point the finger at her, so in the end the wardens concluded that this guy had simply 'fallen' by accident.

As well as not being around consistently, she hadn't spoken to me much either. Only to remind me to look away when I found myself studying her. One time I offered her the rest of my breakfast when I wasn't hungry and she shook her head, saying - "No thank you" in a quiet little voice before staring back into her orange juice.

I discovered on my second day that she and I had the same classes together. I assumed that was because compared to a lot of the other residents – we were both relatively new. She seemed to perk up during these classes, she'd answer questions, read aloud, and showed an actual interest in whatever the teacher was talking about. I however had always hated school, and being in an institute hadn't changed that. Honestly I could have fallen asleep during those short hours had it not been for my unexplained fascination with Haruhi. She seemed almost human in that classroom, like a completely different person. But the moment the bell rang she was up and gone before I could even re-cap my pen. Even though she and I weren't exactly friends, it still felt weird that she wouldn't wait for me. 9 times out of 10 we were headed the same direction anyway, but it was like she couldn't get away fast enough.

Yasao had also seemed to spark up an interest for her, nicknaming her _**'pretty girl'**_. I could only assume it was because she was needlessly violent and seemed to hate everyone – which were 2 of Yasao's most prominent traits. I just hoped it wouldn't become an obsession.

On day 5 Tamaki knocked on my door after breakfast, he didn't seem as smiley as usual which made me pause as my lips began to twitch.

"What?" I questioned anxiously.

He offered a reassuring look, "You have your first meeting with Dr Huroi in 10" he said.

"Oh" I cleared my throat, "I probably should have remembered that"

Tamaki shrugged, "I'm your 'buddy', it's what I'm here for"

I adjusted my grey sweater and stood upright from my desk. Since moving in I'd managed to make my room feel like home. Now, rather than just a comfortable dorm room, it felt like _my_ room. Kaoru had sent over photos in frames which were now hung on the wall above my bed, and my desk was stacked with books I'd asked him to send from home. I glanced over at a photo of Kaoru and I from back when we were 15, taken just a few months before I came here.

"Should I say a prayer or something?" I breathed.

Tamaki failed to disguise the sympathy on his face and an involuntary sigh passed my lips.

I was yet to meet Dr Huroi and I hadn't heard much about him from the others. The only thing I knew about him for sure was that none of the other guys were assigned to him. No one aside from Haruhi. And that made me more nervous than anything my imagination could conjure.

I'd been told that when Haruhi arrived she had been passed from doctor to doctor like a troubled puppy in a shelter. She went through them almost weekly, showing so progress or change in her condition. Apparently she'd almost been sent to the red wing several times due to her behaviour during these sessions. It was only when she was assigned to Dr Huroi that her attitude seemed to change. Although the guys didn't necessarily say that she changed for the better. I assumed I'd been sent to Dr Huroi as a cautionary action. They weren't going to risk sending a violent resident to someone who wasn't going to get immediate results.

Tamaki led me towards the infirmary wing where the doctor's offices were located. I shouldn't have been surprised by the amount of doors there were with official's names on them, since this was an asylum after all, but _shit_ there were so many damn doctors. I'd counted 12 on the way towards the one door labelled _"Dr Huroi. Psychiatrist"._

"Don't worry, you'll be fine" Tamaki patted me roughly on the back with a forced smile on his face, which told me he didn't exactly believe the words coming out of his mouth, "Meet us for lunch yeah?"

I nodded, "Sure"

Then he was gone, and I was left face to face with the looming mahogany door in front of me.

The last time I'd been in the amber wing almost 3 whole years ago I remembered being assigned a doctor. I'd probably only made it to 3 or 4 sessions back then, but I remember my doctor was an older woman who did a lot of listening. The problem at the time was that I wasn't much of a talker. Yasao spoke more than I did and honestly I had no idea what her responses were to him as those were the times where I'd black out. And so, I couldn't exactly say I had much experience in 'receiving psychiatric treatment'. I could only wonder what was in store for me behind that door.

* * *

"Hikaru Hitachiin" Dr Huroi sat across from me behind his desk, a bright smile on his weathered face, "It's nice to finally meet you"

I picked at the armrest of my chair anxiously, "It is?"

He nodded, "Of course. I always enjoy meeting new residents"

 _ **'Meeting' or 'Collecting'?**_

"How are you settling in?"

I shrugged, "Better than the last time"

Dr Huroi nodded, "I'm glad to hear that. I'd hoped this move into amber would go smoother than the first time. Your medication seems to be managing your condition well"

I gave a tight smile.

"Before we officially start the session I just want to spend some time getting to know you and allowing you time to get to know me also"

Dr Huroi began by telling me how long he'd been working at the institute, where he got his qualifications, how long he'd been working as a psychiatrist, and his previous experiences with individuals who had been diagnosed with the same condition as me. It was a lot of information to absorb at 10 o'clock in the morning. But at least he seemed to know what he was doing.

"So" he breathed, "Tell me about Yasao"

 _ **You're gonna need more than an hour to cover all that.**_

"Yasao" I cleared my throat, "What do you want to know about him?"

"Whatever you're comfortable telling me. I'm not going to push you since this is your first meeting with me"

 _At least he's easing me into it._

"When you were first admitted into Ouran you had a violent episode that resulted in your transfer to the red wing. Do you remember that day?"

I shook my head slowly, "Not at all" I answered, "Yasao had kind of been on a rampage for 3 days at that point"

"You don't remember what Yasao does?"

I shook my head again, "For the most part – no. Sometimes I get flashes in dreams of things I don't remember doing or seeing, and something tells me its the things I've missed when Yasao has been in the driver's seat"

"When was the last time he was _"in the driver's seat"_?"

I furrowed my eyebrows thoughtfully, "I think...6 months ago"

 _ **Oooh you liar.**_

"...give or take"

Dr Huroi nodded approvingly, "Well that's good news already" he said, "I heard your 'buddy' is Tamaki Suoh. How have you explained your situation to him?"

"I thought discussing resident conditions was discouraged?"

"Actually it's _encouraged_ if done with permission. Talking is healthy, especially with people you trust"

I wouldn't exactly say I _trusted_ Tamaki, I just had no issues with people talking about me. What was the point in hiding why I was here? Everyone had a reason.

"I don't think I'm ready to use the 'T' word yet"

"Have you been connecting with the other residents on your floor?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, I've made some friends" I replied, "Actually one of them is another one of your patients"

 _Although I can't exactly call Haruhi a friend._

 _ **Speak for yourself. She's the only person here I can stand.**_

He nodded, "Haruhi" he clarified, as if he knew before I'd even said anything, "She's a special one"

"I can't say I've really gotten to know her much" I replied.

"Haruhi isn't much of a talker. But she's coming along nicely"

I nodded, "Aside from her and the other guys Suoh is friends with, I don't talk to many other residents"

"Support systems are important. Maybe consider connecting with some of your other neighbours. It may benefit some of your friends too if they had some new people in their group" Dr Huroi wrote something down in the journal in front of him, "As for Haruhi, don't worry too much"

Dr Huroi spent the next hour going over my paperwork and replaying everything I already knew about my condition and my stance within the Ouran Institute. He talked about the day I first arrived when I was 15 right up until my transfer a few days prior. He asked about Yasao, about my medication, about my anxiety levels and whether I was feeling any bouts of depression. I imagined this was probably standard for a first session, full of menial introductions and pretence.

Needless to say I left his office feeling no different than before. I'd kind of been hoping to leave with some crazy story about how creepy he was to tell the others, but honestly the session was just...boring.

I found the group outside in the courtyard, enjoying the recent heatwave sweeping over Tokyo, basking in the sunshine on the grass. They were all deep in conversation, aside from Haruhi of course, who was nose deep in a book.

"Hey" I announced, sitting down beside Kyoya.

"Hey" they replied in chorus. Haruhi didn't even look up.

"How'd it go with Huroi?" Kyoya asked, jumping straight to the case. The group looked at me intently for my response.

I shrugged, "Boring" I answered honestly. They looked disappointed. I almost felt bad for not bringing them a more interesting story, "He just told me what I already knew" I breathed.

Suddenly Haruhi looked up, her book slamming shut in her lap.

"Dr Huroi?" she questioned, her gaze training on me almost fiercely.

I blinked, surprised by the sound of her voice. It had probably been at least 2 days since I'd heard her speak outside of class.

"Yes" I replied, not really sure how to respond. She seemed almost annoyed that I'd said his name, "He's my psychiatrist"

She scoffed but said nothing else. Instead she just reopened her book and turned away. But I couldn't help but notice the way her hands were shaking as she turned the page.

 _ **Can you imagine the things Huroi is going to tell her about you?**_

 _She's probably freaking out over the same thing..._

 _ **I can't wait to open that Pandora's box**_

 _We're not opening any box. Her business is her business. Just as ours is ours._

 _ **You can't say you're not the slightest bit curious about her.**_

 _Of course I'm curious, but no more so than anyone else here._

 _ **She's not exactly forthcoming like the others.**_

 _She doesn't_ _need_ _to be._

 _ **We should ask Huroi about her.**_

 _He's not allowed to disclose information about other residents. Don't pretend you don't know that._

A short while later we made our way over to the cafeteria, following the groups of like-minded residents who were headed to the same place. We collected our trays and waited in line for a scoop of whatever the kitchen had prepared for us - before finding our usual table in the back corner of the canteen. I was surprised to see that Haruhi had stayed with us for the entire trip and was now sat down with an empty seat between herself and Kyoya, she looked down at her food with distaste and took a sip from her bottled water.

"Oh no" I heard Honey hiss beside me. I glanced at him to see he was staring across the room with wide eyes.

"Huh?" I questioned.

He shook his head frantically and looked down at his hands that began picking at his shirt. It was at that moment Mori noticed something was wrong and turned to him with a concerned look on his face. As he silently comforted his cousin I diverted my gaze to where Honey had been looking moments before. At first I couldn't see anything that could have possibly caused such a reaction, but as I scanned to room once more, my eyes were drawn to someone who was sitting at the other side of the cafeteria, her stern darkened eyes trained unblinking on our table.

I frowned in confusion. I didn't really recognise her, I couldn't remember if I'd seen her around before, and no one had introduced us. She had to be about our age, with short ash brown hair and a sharp defined face, she had cat like eyes that were darkly lined, and arched brows that only made her scowl all the more sinister.

Haruhi must have noticed the commotion unveiling itself as Mori tried to settle Honey down, as she followed my gaze over her shoulder and settled on the same person I'd spied out. I watched as her hands clenched into fists on the table almost instantly.

"Haru" Tamaki spoke up in a warning tone.

Her eyes flashed to him and I could see the anger in her stare.

"What's _she_ doing here?" she growled, "She's meant to be in isolation"

"They had to let her out some time" Kyoya said in disinterest.

"Who exactly is that?" I furrowed my brows in confusion and looked to the others who tried to not obviously stare at the girl across the room.

"Benio Amakusa" Honey replied solumnly.

 _ **Isn't that the bitch who picked on little dude?**_

"She's staring at us" I murmured.

Haruhi's knuckles were turning white now and she squeezed her fists tighter.

 _ **Didn't they say Haruhi dragged her out of here?**_

"Maybe we should go somewhere else?" Tamaki suggested.

"Why should we?" Haruhi snapped, her head whipping around to look at him. He immediately looked down.

"We don't need any more trouble" he explained calmly.

"She's already _making_ trouble" Haruhi replied, her teeth grinding down on themselves. She then quickly rose to her feet, earning looks from everyone at the table.

"Don't" Kyoya grumbled, "You can't afford another trip to isolation"

"I don't care where I'm sent" she replied curtly, "She's staring over at us like she has something to say. Personally I'd love to hear it straight from the horse's mouth"

I wasn't really sure what to say. I _wanted_ to tell her to calm the hell down and sit back in her seat. But honestly I didn't feel like I knew her as well as the others did, it didn't feel right to tell her to stop what she was planning to do.

 _ **Then don't. I want to see what she does.**_

 _She's going to get herself into trouble._

 _ **It'll be worth it if we get to see her swing a punch.**_

I glanced back over to the 'Benio' girl, it seemed she had noticed Haruhi stood to attention at our table with her knuckles balled into desperate fists. She seemed to have paled in complexion as she watched the petite brunette, but her stern glare didn't waver.

 _ **She**_ _ **does**_ _ **have a very punchable face.**_

 _We can't be thinking like that. Stop it._

Without a second thought, I stood up and grabbed onto Haruhi's forearm as she moved to walk across the room. The moment my fingers wrapped around her a jolt flew up my arm and my breath caught in my throat. Her eyes whipped to me in shock and for a moment we just stared at each other.

And holy shit. She looked mad.

 _ **On second thought. I think**_ _ **you**_ _ **might be the one with the punchable face right now.**_

I gulped, because by the way she was staring into my eyes – told me Yasao wasn't wrong.

* * *

 **Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm really enjoying this rewrite and I finally feel like I'm in the right mindset to do it the way I always wanted to!**

 **CSC is being updated as we speak with more chapters being written and I'm so excited to show you how Haruhi and Hikaru's story ends :)**

 **Please remember to Review/Favourite/Follow!**

 **Love you all!**

 **Yuli xx**


	5. Chapter 4

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

Chapter 4

* * *

"Let. Go. Of me" Haruhi's teeth were clenched so fiercely she looked like she was in pain.

I quickly dropped my hand, feeling like I'd crossed a very severe line.

"Maybe take a step outside to calm down" I suggested, literally having no idea what the right thing to say was, "She's not worth it"

"Trust me. She is" she hissed back.

"Fine. Maybe she is. But think about it" I sucked in a breath, trying to pick the right words that mixed alongside Yasao's words of violent encouragement, "If you're in isolation she'll have no reason to stay away. At least with you here she's too frightened to approach everyone. She won't say anything or cause problems if you're here to protect your friends"

My plea seemed to hit her somewhere. She furrowed her eyebrows as if she were considering my words.

 _ **I didn't realise you spoke fluent 'beast'.**_

She wasn't a goddamn beast. She was a troubled 18 year old. Just like the rest of us. Even though I knew she hated people looking her in the eye, I kept her gaze trained to mine, pouring every ounce of reassurance into it.

"Please" I mouthed silently.

 _ **I never noticed how deep those eyes were...so rich...and broken.**_

I could feel that Yasao sensed pain in those eyes too, because I could see it too.

 _Who hurt you so much Haruhi..._

Slowly, Haruhi released a breath. All tension seemed to leave her body, then suddenly she walked away from the table and out the main doors. Benio also watched her leave, obviously surprised. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Wooooow" Kyoya wooshed, "You talked her off the ledge"

My mouth hung agape, "I...I did"

"I guess this means you're officially welcomed to the family"

"Yay Hikaru!" Honey beamed.

"Huh?" I questioned.

"She listened to you. She doesn't listen to just _anyone_ " Tamaki explained, clearly equally as shocked as I was, "Well done"

"Will she be okay?" I asked hesitantly.

Tamaki smiled, "Yeah, she'll probably go to her room and calm down. I'll check on her in a little while"

 _ **I want to check on her.**_

I nodded in understanding and sat back down, my food suddenly seeming a lot less appetising.

* * *

"You look great" Kaoru grinned across the table, squeezing my hands between his.

I couldn't help but beam back just as eagerly, "It's amazing what a bit of vitamin D can do for you" I replied.

"It's more than just that" he smiled, "You look happier than the last time I saw you"

I could only agree with him. It wasn't hard to feel happier in a place that actually gave you the freedom you wanted, rather than keeping you locked up in an empty room all day. I'd been in the red wing for almost 3 years and visitation only occurred once every few weeks depending on behaviour. Being able to sit face to face with my brother was like Christmas and birthdays rolled into one. And you know what's even better? I could do this twice a week. I was more than just 'happy'.

"Were Mom and Dad busy?" I asked, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice.

Kaoru's eyes lowered, "Uh, yeah. They send their love though"

I nodded, my lips forming a tight line.

 _ **Don't act like you're surprised, you knew they wouldn't come.**_

 _That doesn't mean it hurts any less._

"Have they said anything about me at all?"

Once again, Kaoru tried to sugar coat his answer, "Yeah, I've told them how you've been doing and they're happy you're settling in well"

 _But not happy enough to come and see me, or talk to me themselves._

I couldn't help but let out a huff of frustration.

"They'll come see you" Kaoru reassured me, once again squeezing my hand, "They're just...still coming to terms with everything"

"It's been 3 years" I replied.

"I know" he nodded, "It's just...a lot. I know they're not showing it, but they love you and want you to get better"

 _ **Get better? I'm not 'flu', I'm not going anywhere.**_

I hated agreeing with Yasao, but he was right. My condition wasn't _curable._ The best we could hope for was that it would one day become manageable enough that I can go about my everyday life on the outside. Did Mom and Dad really think this would all just go away?

But then again, how would they know that? They didn't talk to me enough to even begin to understand what was happening. I knew they had reports about my treatment sent home to them, so they must have at least _some_ understanding on what was happening.

"You know how Yasao makes them feel" Kaoru spoke carefully.

Oh I knew. Because the character Yasao grew from meant a lot more to them than he did to me. But regardless of the name, he was nothing but a parasite stuck to my brain. I on the other hand was their _son._

"How do you think it feels to live with him?" I answered curtly.

"I lived with him too you know?"

I exhaled.

"How is he anyway?"

I shrugged, "Loud as ever. But under control"

"Can I talk to him?"

"He can hear you" I breathed, "You know he can"

 _ **I've missed talking to my brother, it's not fair that you can and I can't.**_

 _That's because whenever you've spoken to him you've hurt him._

"I hope you're not giving my brother a hard time in here" Kaoru said sternly, addressing the man who seemed to be kicking back and relaxing in the corner of my mind, "Remember that whatever you make Hika do affects you too. And I don't think you want to go back to that cell again. I want Hika out of here and home with me, and since you're a package deal, that means I want you home too"

Kaoru's words surprised me, but no one was more surprised than Yasao.

 _ **God dammit Kao...**_

It was amazing how much you could fit into an hour long visit.

Kaoru and I spent the rest of the time talking about what he was doing on the outside. He was due to graduate soon and planned to go straight into work with Dad instead of continuing the modelling gigs he did for Mom. I wasn't surprised by this, Kaoru had always been the smart one, and as much as we had always enjoyed modelling, it wasn't the most stimulating of careers. Kaoru liked to be challenged, he liked to be tested and engage his brain. He loved working on something with all he had and seeing the results at the end. Dad's tech company could do that for him. It made me happy to know he was following his instincts.

 _I would have liked to work with him and Dad._

* * *

"Hey" I took my usual seat amongst the others on the third floor.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Tamaki was the first to speak up.

I couldn't contain the grin, "Great" I answered, "It was nice to actually see Kaoru after nothing but phone calls"

"Are you guys twins?" Kyoya asked, lacing his fingers together on his lap.

I nodded.

"He looks just like you!" Honey spoke up with a childish grin.

"We're identical" I smirked, "Did you see him?"

Honey nodded, "I saw him being taken to the visitation hall. I thought it was you"

I chuckled. Back when we were kids it was an annoyance when people confused us, but now that I'd been in here without him for so long it was almost elating to hear people say how alike we were. Even after all this time.

After a few minutes of talking with everyone about my visit, it suddenly dawned on me that there were only 5 of us. Usually I would have been relieved, but for some reason the absence of the 6th member seemed to leave an obvious hole.

 _ **Haruhi.**_

"Where's Haruhi?" I asked without hesitation.

I hadn't seen her since she walked out of the cafeteria, and she was-

 _ **Mad as hell.**_

 _Hopefully not at_ _me_ _._

"In her room" Tamaki replied, "Last I saw she was reading. I think she's calmed down now"

 _Thank god..._

"I haven't seen her like that before" I said.

"She has a temper on her" Tamaki shrugged, "But always with good intentions"

"I think today was the most I've heard her speak"

He laughed, "That means she's getting used to you"

"Should I be flattered?"

"Definitely" he chuckled, "It took almost 2 months before she even said 1 word around me. It took you guys only 5 days"

 _ **She likes us.**_

 _She doesn't even know you._

 _ **She will.**_

I kind of wanted to go and see her, to make sure she was okay. But I held myself back. Yes, maybe she was getting more comfortable around me, which was nice. But that didn't mean we were friends. I still knew virtually nothing about her, and honestly I hadn't seen a single pleasant angle to her yet. And yet there was something about her...maybe it was just morbid curiosity, but for some reason I didn't feel like writing her off like I would have done in the red wing.

"Did your Mom and Dad visit too?" Honey suddenly asked.

I blinked, confused by the throw back to the previous conversation.

"Oh, uh, no, they didn't" I replied.

Honey frowned, "Why not?"

 _I asked myself the same thing._

"Apparently they were busy" I said unconvincingly.

The others seemed to catch onto my sullen mood.

"Don't worry about it. Parents always take it the hardest" Kyoya shrugged nonchalantly.

"Yeah I know" I ran a hand through my hair.

But why didn't they seem to understand that _I_ was taking it hard too? I was their child, and it felt like they'd just left me here on my own with the one thing they couldn't deal with. Yasao.

I mean, no one liked him. But them especially. I knew why, and from the start they blamed me for his appearance, as if I were making some sick joke at everyone else's expense. But I _wasn't._ Yasao may have been in my head, but he was _real._

 _ **At least we can agree on that.**_

 _That doesn't mean I think you_ _should_ _be real._

 _ **It doesn't matter what you think, I'm here and I'm not leaving.**_

 _I wish you would. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have lost my family._

 _ **That was their doing. Not mine.**_

 _If you didn't exist I wouldn't be here. I could be home preparing to graduate high school. I would have friends, maybe a girlfriend, I'd be with my family. Instead I'm locked in here. With you._

 _ **You know why I exist. They've told you enough times.**_

 _It's not my fault you exist._

 _ **I exist because of your guilt.**_

"Dinner in 5, you coming?" Tamaki's words interrupted us.

I sighed in relief, "Yeah"

 _ **Haruhi.**_

"Should we get Haruhi?" my question left my lips before I could catch them.

The guys all stood and started making their way to the staircase.

"Do you want to go ask her?" Tamaki asked. The way he said it seemed like a challenge. Not in a bad way, but more like he was trying to push me in the right direction.

I nodded slowly, "Yeah. We'll meet you down there"

He smiled warmly then put a hand on my shoulder and lowered his voice so only I could hear, "Don't force it okay? She likes it when people are up front and straight with her. If she doesn't come, don't feel bad"

 _ **I want to see her.**_

 _She probably doesn't want to see us._

After everyone else disappeared down the staircase - my feet slowly carried me down the corridor towards the dorm rooms. I passed my own room and headed straight for the door beside mine. It wasn't entirely closed, letting a small slither of light out into the hall.

 _Maybe she's sleeping..._

"Haruhi?" my voice was so unsure of itself I barely recognised it as my own.

When no reply came I sucked in the breath and slowly pushed open the door.

I regretted it instantly, as I was pretty sure that blindly walking into her room wasn't something Haruhi was going to be particularly pleased about. But as the doorway opened up to me my eyes were met by the last thing I had been expecting, as they settled on the most serene sight I'd ever seen.

Haruhi was laid on her bed, staring up at the ceiling with a calm look on her face, her lips slightly parted and nose twitching. Her fingers were laced together on her stomach - motionless just as the rest of her. It were as if she were daydreaming, lost in her own thoughts. I felt bad standing there watching her, and felt worse for interrupting.

I turned to walk out.

"What is it?" I suddenly heard her voice.

I froze and looked back at her. She was still staring up at the ceiling, but the vacant expression on her face was long gone.

"I uh, I was coming to see if you were coming for dinner?" I forced out the words, suddenly feeling like a deer caught in the headlights.

She didn't answer right away, which gave me even more time to just look at her in bewilderment. How was it possible for such a little doll to contain such a temper? Why was I even nervous to speak to this girl? She wasn't intimidating in any physical sense of the word. I admired how the point of her nose seemed to round off like a button as it angled upwards, and how her bottom lip seemed fuller than the top one as she drew in a few steadying breaths.

 _ **You haven't stared at a girl this much since Airi in middle school...**_

I quickly averted my gaze the same moment Haruhi sat upright. A soft yawn met my ears.

"Did I disturb you?" I asked.

"Yes" she replied.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't say sorry, it makes you sound stupid". Once again, her bluntness never ceased to amaze me.

"Right..."

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and looked over at me, and out of habit I glanced away from her.

"How are you feeling? After earlier I mean..." I said as she jumped up and began pulling on her grey sweatshirt.

"I'm fine"

 _Now_ , I wasn't the most educated when it came to reading body language, but even _I_ could tell she was lying.

"So, who is she?"

"Who?"

"That...Benio girl"

"She's no one"

 _ **Sure didn't seem like no one.**_

"You said she'd been in isolation? What did she do?"

Haruhi shrugged and stepped past me in the doorway, "She pissed off the wrong person"

I began following her towards the stairs, "You?"

"No. Not me"

She wasn't exactly _'opening up'_ to me, but at least she was talking. It was weird, even though her answers came vague and blunt, with each swift reply I felt spurred on to push for more. It was like fishing, once I got a bite I wanted to throw the whole line in.

"Does she piss people off often?"

"More often than not" she shrugged, "Why? You looking to throw your hat in the ring?"

 _ **Now you're talking my language.**_

 _But not mine._

"No thanks" I grimaced.

"Shame. She needs more people to put her in her place"

"I don't think fighting her will fix that"

"Perhaps not"

"So what's the issue between you two?"

She stopped mid-walk in the hallway, causing me to freeze and almost crash right into her, "You talk a lot" she said suddenly, glaring daggers into my soul.

"I guess I'm just curious" I replied dumbfoundedly.

She raised an eyebrow, "Some people don't like that"

"You included?"

"I sure don't enjoy an interrogation if that's what you're asking"

"If people don't ask questions how do they get to know you?"

"And why would I want people to 'know me'?"

 _ **You're losing her, bail out, bail out.**_

I put my palms up in surrender, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push"

She stared at me for the longest moment, whilst I did my best to keep my eyes fixed on her chin. Then she mumbled, "Remember what I said about apologising" and continued making her way down the corridor towards the cafeteria. Me in tow.

* * *

I didn't hear another word out of Haruhi for the rest of the day. She sat with an empty seat between herself and whoever was next to her as usual and kept her head down as she picked at her food.

Even though our 'talk' on the way here wasn't exactly extensive or successful, I still felt a small sense of achievement in how responsive she seemed to be. Instead of one word answers and sighs, I'd actually managed to get full sentences out of her. I didn't know why it mattered to me so much that Haruhi accepted me, but for some reason it was starting to feel like a life mission to earn her trust. Maybe I just wanted to rid myself of the uneasy feeling I had around her. Everything here felt so comfortable and easy, but the awkwardness around her seemed to hinder that at times. I wanted that to go away, to be able to relax around her as I could do with the others.

I didn't see Benio for the entire of dinner which was a relief. Honey seemed to notice too as he happily tucked into his vegetables with a messy grin, Mori at his side looking thoroughly amused by it all.

"How was your session today Kyoya?" Tamaki asked once we were settled in our usual corner on the third floor. It was steadily approaching our 10 o'clock curfew, and apart from a couple of other residents wandering the halls in their pyjamas – we were the only ones who seemed to still be out of our rooms. Even Haruhi sat with us, cross-legged on the carpet in chequered sweats and a tank top.

"They think I'll be released in the next few months" Kyoya replied in his usual stoic tone, "My treatment limit appears to have reached it's end"

"There's nothing else they can do for you?" I questioned.

Kyoya scoffed, "You think cases like ours can be completely cured? Of course there's nothing more to be done. I'm no longer struggling as a result of my condition, the best place for me now is home"

"I'm happy for you" was all I could say. Honestly what else was there to say? Going home was the best news anyone could get in this place. Things were different in here compared to the outside, leaving was all we could hope for.

 _Not that I'll ever get out of this place._

"Do the doctors typically tell you guys when they think you'll be out?" I asked.

"Only when you get a final progress meeting" Tamaki answered, "Once you have that it's just a matter of time before you're given a date"

"Has anyone else had that?"

Tamaki offered a small smile, "Mori has, but that's only because he has a release date from his sentence. However that doesn't mean he'll be out of here. If he wants he can stay and work on his speech, but its not compulsory for him"

I looked at Mori who simply nodded and glanced at Honey.

Over the last week I'd come to see how close the cousins were to each other. They both seemed to depend on one another. I doubted Mori would leave Honey out of choice.

It was easy to forget everyone else had a condition in this place. Your own condition was always at the forefront of your mind so sometimes it didn't even occur to you that everyone around you was going through something similar. Thinking about it, I barely knew anything about the other's. They'd been so concerned about me since I was new that they'd barely spoken about themselves. A wash of guilt overcame me as I looked them over one by one, until finally settling on Haruhi.

I didn't even know what her 'condition' was, or what had brought her here. Aside from having an anger problem and issues with people looking at and touching her, I had virtually no clue why she was even admitted here. No one else had said anything either, aside from Kyoya who said no one knew. I remembered how he'd said she'd been brought here by a police officer. Did that mean she didn't have a family? Everyone else had been to visitation during the week, but not her. Maybe she called people in her room?

She was quietly staring off into space on the floor, but something told me that she was listening to every word we said. There was something about her I just couldn't put my finger on, something I related to.

I watched her out of the corner of my eye until lights out.

And of course, she was the first to disappear into her room, closing the door behind her without a word.

 _ **Night Hika. Tomorrow - we infiltrate the mind of one pretty brunette.**_

 _Shut up Yasao._


	6. Chapter 5

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

 **Chapter 5**

* * *

 _ **What's she doing?**_

 _I'm not sure..._

 _ **Should we sit with her?**_

 _I don't think she'd like that._

Yasao and I looked on as Haruhi continued staring into a book from underneath one of the library tables in the corner of the room. She'd been sat there for almost 40 minutes now and it didn't even look like she'd blinked.

 _ **You think this is how she always spends her Saturdays?**_

 _I guess..._

But the others were sitting out in the courtyard, why wouldn't she be sitting with them? It's not like she'd ever had a problem with sitting quietly reading around them.

 _Did we have homework I forgot about?_

As the minutes passed, the more I was starting to feel like a creep. I was sitting at a desk at the other side of the library, hiding my face between the open pages of a history book as I glanced over at the girl sitting under a table in a world of her own. I'd only come to the library to find a book I needed for class. I hadn't meant to become distracted by her. But she was just so...fascinating.

No one else seemed to find her behaviour weird. Although that wasn't saying much since we were in an insane asylum. But maybe Haruhi did this often? I'd only been here a week after all, there were probably a million habits Haruhi had that I wasn't aware of.

As I continued to stare I felt the presence of someone coming up beside me. The chair next to mine was pulled out with a creek and I turned to see a girl with long strawberry blonde hair tied in a bow sit down next to me. She rested her chin in her hands and stared silently at me for the longest time.

I raised a brow, "Can I help you?"

A slow grin spread across her face, "Hikaru Hitachiin right?"

I blinked, "Yes?"

"I thought so. I've seen you around but I haven't had the chance to introduce myself yet"

She'd seen me around? Was she on the third floor too?

"Renge Houshakuji" her hand thrust out to me open palmed, her grin still in place.

Hesitantly I took her hand and shook it firmly.

"Are you a third floor resident?" I asked.

She shook her head, "No, I'm second floor, I was relocated"

"Relocated?"

She nodded, "I'm not allowed on the same floor as Kyo-chan. That's why I haven't been able to talk to you, you always seem to be with him and the others"

I blinked in confusion, "You're...not allowed near Kyoya?"

A loud and dramatic sigh passed her lips and she slumped back in her chair, "They separated us. My sweet sweet Kyoya"

"You and Kyoya were...involved?"

 _ **Ootori has a girlfriend? He never struck me as the romantic type.**_

"Not officially. But I knew he could feel the connection between us, I could see the burning passion in his eyes whenever he saw me" she cupped her hands over her heart and looked off wistfully, "One day we'll be together again. I'm on my 32nd request to be relocated back to the third floor so we'll be reunited soon enough. I have a good feeling about this one"

 _ **Holy hell, she's goddamn insane. Bail out Hika, bail the fuck out.**_

"Oh...kay..." I could feel myself slowly inching away from her as she continued to look off dreamily, her eyes swimming with absolute obsession.

Then suddenly she shook herself out of it and looked back at me beaming, "Anyway, I wanted to see you so you could pass these on to him?" she quickly rummaged into a small canvas bag slung over her shoulder. The plain ivory fabric was covered in a rainbow of scribbles, a nightmare collage of hearts and Kyoya's name. After a few seconds she pulled out a handful of papers and thrust them on the desk infront of me.

"What are these?" I questioned nervously.

"Letters for Kyoya. So he knows I'm thinking about him" her grin didn't falter once.

"Renge that's enough" another voice replied before I could even open my mouth. I turned to see Haruhi standing in front of us, her arms folded as she glared down at the strawberry blonde beside me, "You know you're not allowed to pass notes to Kyoya"

"I'm not passing them to Kyoya" Renge frowned, her head faced downwards at her feet. It was the first time since sitting down I'd seen her without a smile, "I'm passing them to Hitachiin who will give them to him"

Haruhi sighed and rolled her eyes, "You were told _no contact_ "

"B-but-" Renge's words trailed off as she glanced up and caught sight of Haruhi's penetrating glare. It was so stern that even I felt the need to look away from it. After several seconds, Renge had swept the papers back into her bag, then quickly jumped from the seat and took off in the opposite direction.

"Who the hell was that?" I managed to ask as Renge disappeared out the library doors.

Haruhi huffed, "Just another crazy person"

"Why's she not allowed near Kyoya?"

"Can't you tell?" she scoffed, "Because she's obsessed with him. Ignore her next time. If you're found passing her notes to Kyoya you'll get a warning from the chairman"

 _ **Pretty girl is worried about us.**_

"Uh...thank you" I lifted my eyes to properly look at her, only to see that she was already turning to walk back over to her book under the table, "Hey, Haruhi"

She stopped and looked over her shoulder at me, but didn't say anything.

"What are you doing under there?" I nodded towards the table she was headed to.

Her eyebrow raised, "Reading..."

 _ **Wow. Great question Hikaru.**_

"I was gonna go find the others. Do you want to come with me?" I tried to keep my voice steady, but truth be told, Haruhi was a _very_ intimidating person to talk to.

"You want me to come too?" she furrowed her brows.

"Yeah" I nodded, "Why wouldn't I?"

Haruhi stared at me for a moment, her eyes avoiding mine but still somehow drilling deep into me. Then she shrugged and started for the door, and I almost knocked my chair over as I scrambled to keep up with her.

"So that's a yes?" I called out.

* * *

"Oh her. I forgot about her" Kyoya shrugged nonchalantly as he took another swig from his water bottle.

"She made it sound like you and her were an item" I explained.

I swear I almost saw Kyoya laugh, "No. No not at all"

"I feel bad for her" Honey pouted sadly, "I don't think she has a lot of friends"

"Is that her condition then? Being...obsessive?" I asked.

"Something along those lines" Tamaki answered, "She was brought here by her parents after she developed an obsession for a video game character"

"A video game character?"

He nodded, "Apparently the obsession got so bad she'd threatened to take her own life because there was no possible way she could be with him. She was in protective isolation for almost 2 months when she arrived here, then when she came out she saw Kyoya. And unfortunately for both of them, Kyoya looks a lot like the character she'd become obsessed with"

"Oh shit..."

 _ **Wow, what are the chances?**_

"So what did she do?" I asked, looking at Kyoya. But from his expression I could tell he really didn't give a damn. But then again, he never did.

"She followed him everywhere" Haruhi mumbled. She hadn't spoken since we'd left the library. I turned to her and noticed she was facing the group. Everyone looked down to avoid her eyes, I tried to do the same, no matter how tempting it was to face her, "She'd leave notes, stand outside his classes, break into his room-"

"Break into his room?!" I gaped.

"She only did that once" Kyoya sighed.

"And that's all it took" Tamaki continued, "After that she was moved to a different floor, and precautions were put in place to make sure she never went near him"

"What kind of precautions?" I asked.

"A warden watches her. He keeps her away from Kyo-chan" Honey spoke up, "But she still tries to get close. She gave me lots of pretty pictures to give him, and then I got in trouble" he pouted and gave the pink bunny in his lap a squeeze. Mori patted his head affectionately.

"Just watch out for her" Haruhi hummed, "She spends a lot of time with Benibara"

"She encourages a lot of Renge's behaviour" Kyoya remarked.

 _ **This girl seems to really have it out for these guys. She even hates Kyoya and he doesn't do anything.**_

"What's with this Benibara? I don't get it. Why do we hate her?"

"She doesn't like Haruhi" Tamaki answered simply, "Which means she doesn't like us either"

"Did something happen between you two?" I looked at Haruhi, who scowled the moment my eyes met hers.

 _Look down...look down..._

Honey threw his arm up like an excited kid in school answering a teacher's question, "When Haru-chan came here Benibara wanted her to join her group. But Haru-chan didn't want to make friends back then, so Benibara got real mad at her. Benibara picked on everyone, and Haru-chan didn't like that"

"So you defended the ones she picked on?" I directed my question at Haruhi once more.

Her attention seemed to be wandering as it sometimes did, her eyes focused on something in the distance. But she nodded with a shrug anyway.

"No one should be taken advantage of just because they're smaller or more vulnerable" she replied, her voice steady and filled with self-assurance.

It was probably the most human thing I'd ever heard her say. It made my lips twitch with the threat of a smile.

Then she cleared her throat and stood up.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, "Where are you going?"

"What's with you and all your questions?" she grumbled, "I'm going _somewhere else_ do you have a problem with that?"

"No..." I shook my head. The sudden personality shift knocking me back like volleyball to the chest, "I just...want to make sure you're okay"

"Well don't" she mumbled back, "It's none of your business"

Then she walked away towards the resident's building, her arms wrapped around her protectively as she went. I watched her for a while, until she vanished across the courtyard.

 _ **What the fuck Hikaru?! You scared her off!**_

"You need to stop getting under her skin like that" Kyoya said, muffling a bored yawn into his sleeve.

"What the hell did I do?"

"You ask too many questions. She doesn't like having attention put on her like that"

"I only asked if she was okay"

"Which means you were thinking about her. She doesn't like people thinking about her. She likes to just exist around others, making no impact or affect on her surroundings or the people in it"

"But we're supposed to be her friends right?"

Tamaki gave me a sympathetic look, "Honestly Hikaru, I don't think Haruhi has ever had friends before. Her way of being close to others differs to how the rest of us stay close"

"But she sticks up for other residents when they're in trouble, how is that _not_ affecting her surroundings or the people in it?"

"I think she sees injustice and sacrifices her own personal comforts in order to correct those injustices. Just because she defends others, doesn't mean she enjoys doing so. She just does it" the Kyoya said it made the group fall silent. It was probably the most focused I'd seen him when talking about someone else. And suddenly I understood why they all liked Haruhi so much. She hated attention and people looking at her, but when someone needed help she reacted without thinking, regardless of the responses she would get. They were selfless acts. Swapping someone else's uncomfortable situation with her own. Did she realise that's what she was doing?

Probably not I guessed.

* * *

I sat upright in bed with a start, my ears pricking up as they caught the faint sound of soft thuds and the click of a door. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the darkness of my bedroom, catching the glow of the clock on the nightstand.

 _1.14am_

 _ **Damn. Why did you wake me?**_

"I didn't" I yawned, "By all means go back to sleep"

 _ **What the hell is that sound?**_

"What sound?" I ran a hand roughly down my face, trying to wipe away all traces of tiredness. My voice sounded gravelly.

I didn't usually answer Yasao verbally, but sometimes when I was alone it just made more sense, especially when I wasn't awake enough to gather my thoughts.

I sat quietly, listening for whatever Yasao was talking about. I then heard gentle creeks from the hallway, as if someone was taking the smallest of steps.

 _ **Sounds like we have a rule breaker...**_

 _Who the hell would be out of bed at this time?_

 _ **Who do you think?**_

Slowly I crawled out of bed and went to the door. I peered out into the darkened hallway, and in the shadows I saw the silhouette of a small figure making their way towards the staircase.

"What the hell are you doing?" I hissed, walking towards her.

At the sound of my strangled whisper, Haruhi jumped and turned to look at me. The moment her eyes met mine her body went rigged and defensive, as if I were the last person she wanted to see.

"You're sneaking out?" I hissed in a whisper as I stared dumbfounded at the silhouetted brunette who stood with her hands on her hips in front of me.

"Shhhh" she warned, "You didn't see me, go back to your room"

"What if a goddamn warden comes by?!"

"Then I guess I'll be in trouble. Go back to your room"

"Do you have any idea what will happen to you if they catch you?"

"I'll get a slap on the wrist" she growled, then turned back around towards the direction of the staircase.

I couldn't describe why I was so concerned with her wellbeing. But if she got caught she'd get more than _just_ a slap on the wrist. She'd be thrown in isolation, she'd have privileges taken away, and find herself one step closer to being moved to the red wing where it was _impossible_ to sneak out.

Dammit why did I care so much?

Maybe because I'd been in the red wing, I knew how bad it was in there. And like fuck was I going to watch anyone else get thrown in there.

"Stop" I seethed. I reached out towards her and found myself wrapping my hand around her forearm. She froze under my touch, and I swear I felt her tremble.

"Let. Go" she strained.

"Go back to your room" I replied, equally as stern.

"I just need to get some fucking fresh air"

"Then open your goddamn window, because you know where _doesn't_ have windows? The red wing. And each time you act out you bring yourself a step closer to being locked in there" Now that my eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the hallway, I found myself staring right into the placid gaze of Haruhi, who did nothing but look up back at me with her jaw locked in anger. I expected her to hit me or something for staring at her, but instead she just remained motionless.

 _ **Damn she's so pretty, and warm, and soft...**_

At the sudden appearance of Yasao, I pulled my hand away from her, releasing her from my grip. She seemed to relax a little the moment the contact between us had ended.

 _She doesn't like being touched either. Dammit Hikaru._

 _ **You liked touching her though, I think you**_ _ **really**_ _ **liked it.**_

 _Shut the fuck up. Just shut up!_

Haruhi raised a pointed finger at me and seemed to be preparing to release the devil, but as she opened her mouth to speak, the sound of footsteps ascending the staircase stopped her in her tracks. Both our eyes widened in fear.

Fuck. The warden was coming. If they found us out of our rooms we'd be screwed.

 _ **Looks like it's back to the slammer for us Hika. It was fun while it lasted.**_

 _Over my fucking dead body._

Without thinking I grabbed onto Haruhi's hand once more and pulled her with me towards one of the small darkened alcoves in the wall. It was practically a crack since it was so narrow. Haruhi, who seemed anything but happy with the situation, went along reluctantly, and tucked herself against me, disappearing into the darkness as I'd hoped.

We tried to quietly adjust to the small space but it seemed impossible to find a way to hide there without being pushed against one another. And she was _flush_ against me. Which made me think this probably wasn't the best idea. This was a girl who hated being close to other people, hated being looked at and hated being touched. She probably felt so damn uncomfortable right now. I highly doubted that even _if_ we weren't caught hiding here she'd be thankful for this afterwards. I could feel her ragged breathing against the nape of my neck, and the hammering of her heart was beating tightly against my chest as we waited for the warden to pass us by. Her hair tickled my chin as she tried to move a little, and I had to slap my hand over my mouth to stifle a laugh. I was deathly ticklish, something that Kaoru had always taken advantage of when we were kids. Now was _really_ not the time to burst into hysterics.

"What are you doing?" Haruhi hissed almost silently against my ear.

"Tickles" I whispered back under my palm.

She didn't reply, but I knew that if I could see her face she'd be rolling her eyes at me in exasperation. But incidently her face was practically pressed against my chest.

Suddenly the footsteps started getting louder and closer and I heard Haruhi suck in a breath and hold it. Then a shadowy male figure slowly lumbered past us from where we hid, walking right by.

 _Good, he hasn't seen us._

 _ **Yet.**_

I wanted to let out a sigh of relief, but then moments later he began walking back past. Then he paused in the middle of the hallway. His eyes scanning the area, ears pricked up – listening. For a minute I thought he'd seen us, that somehow he'd heard the thumping of my heart in my ribcage, it certainly sounded loud in my head. Images of myself being dragged back to the red wing flashed through my head, I could see my old cell bedroom, the screaming, the crying. Then I thought about what would happen to Haruhi. Would she be taken to the red wing too? She wasn't on a probationary period like I was, but from what I'd heard she'd come close before. And being caught out of your room after curfew was one thing, but being caught with a guy pushed up against you in a dark hallway probably looked all the more worse as far as rule breaking went...

 _ **I don't see you complaining. I'm certainly not. Hopefully they'll make her our room-mate.**_

Sweat started to bead at my forehead as I watched the warden. He'd only been there for a moment, but it felt like hours. His head tilted towards where we stood and my heart dropped into my stomach.

 _Fuck he's seen us, fuck fuck fuck..._

But seconds later he continued walking. Past the alcove, and back down the corridor. The footfalls got quieter and quieter, until we could hear them clearly descending back down the staircase. I didn't exhale until they could no longer be heard.

"Oh my god" I heaved a sigh and rested my forehead against the wall behind Haruhi's head. She seemed to relax against me too, her stiff body suddenly feeling softer and more comfortable pressed to mine. I couldn't feel my legs, they were rooted to the spot with fear. I almost lost all of this, my chance to finally get out of this place, being able to see my family, my brother. How could I fuck up so fast?

But it didn't seem to matter that I wasn't moving, Haruhi didn't seem to be making a move either. In fact she'd relaxed so far into me that somehow we'd ended up in some awkward embrace. Her arm fit perfectly beneath mine, as if she were holding me up, and the scent of her hair filled my nose.

 _Is that...honey and flowers..._

She released a few deep calming breaths, which brushed against the side of my neck. I shuddered, but not because it tickled.

 _ **Don't get too excited Romeo, your dick is pressed right against her stomach.**_

My eyes flew open and immediately I leapt out of our hiding place. I palmed my face roughly, then reached out for Haruhi's hand to help her out, even though she probably couldn't see my face very well, I still looked away from her in case she saw how beet red my cheeks probably were.

Not surprisingly, she didn't take my hand. Instead she emerged from the small alcove and stood a good foot's distance away from me.

She wooshed out a breath, "Well...fuck that was..."

"Dangerous"

"Exciting" I could hear the smile in her voice, which made me turn to look at her to confirm my assumption. And yeah, there she was, grinning like a kid on Christmas. Typically I would have called her an idiot for finding amusement in such a dire situation that could have resulted in us being _severely_ punished. Me more than her perhaps. But instead I found myself enjoying the view. She had _never_ smiled. Or at least, I'd never seen it. But she was practically glowing, as if she'd gotten the greatest news in the world. Her whole face lit up, her eyes glistening, her lips curled so delicately and plump. She looked so...

 _ **I want her.**_

 _Don't you dare._

 _ **When was the last time we kissed a girl? 4 years ago? Did any of them look like-**_

"Shut up" I struck my temples with my palms to stop him from finishing. I didn't need this. I couldn't have him cling to someone else, he would only damage them. I couldn't let him do that to anyone but me.

Haruhi's smile fell and a glare met her eyes, "Excuse me?" she grit her teeth.

 _Ah fuck._

"Sorry. Not you" I strained.

Her expression fell with understanding, "Oh. Is...is the voice..."

 _ **If she wants to talk to me I'd be happy to oblige.**_

I growled inwardly at Yasao, "Yeah...yeah he's uh...talking"

"Is he not happy?"

"Actually he's a little too happy for my liking" I mumbled, "Right, get back to your room. We'll talk about this shit-show in the morning"

 _ **We get to see pretty girl in the morning? Promise?**_

Haruhi folded her arms - her usual bitter stance returning, the smile long forgotten, "And what if I still want to go outside?"

"Haruhi" I warned with a heaving sigh.

She rolled her eyes, then huffed in defeat, "Fine" she grumbled, "But you _cannot_ tell anyone about this" she pointed a finger back and forth between me and our hiding place with fire in her eyes.

"Okay, fine" I nodded, "Now go"

I heard her mumbling curses under her breath as she walked past me and back to her door. She punched in her dorm number in annoyance then looked back at me as she swung it open. She stared at me for the longest time, her eyes trailing from my feet up to my hair until they settled on my face once more.

Then she disappeared into her room, closing the door behind her.


	7. Chapter 6

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

 **Chapter 6**

* * *

I could feel the confused stares I was getting from where Haruhi and I sat in the courtyard, alone together under the shade of the oak tree. Confused stares from _everyone_ in the surrounding area. Haruhi _didn't do_ one-to-one. She was always either completely alone, or sat in close proximity to the group. But never just herself and someone else, and _especially_ not me. Even the other guys watched with wide eyes and open mouths as we met in the hallway and descended the stairs together. I'd bet Tamaki would have been even more shocked had he known the reason behind _why_ we needed to be alone.

"How often do you do that?" I asked.

"Do what?" she shrugged, looking down at her fingers as she plucked stems of grass out of the ground by the root.

"Sneak out of your room"

She snorted, "Whenever I need to"

"You can't do that" I grumbled, "You're going to get yourself caught"

"I've never been caught before"

"All it'll take is one time" I shook my head, "Don't you care about what will happen?"

"No" she murmured, "It's not like they can do anything that'll make this place worse"

Did I hear her right? She doesn't think this place can get _worse?_

"What about the red wing?"

Her lips pursed, but she said nothing.

"I was in there for almost 3 years, the amber wing is like Disneyland in comparison. So trust me, it gets worse" I replied, "You don't even get regular phone calls or visits, you'd lose your family. Do you really think being sent there is worth a midnight stroll?"

"I wouldn't be losing much then" she mumbled.

 _Wouldn't be losing much? Only her_ _whole_ _family._

 _ **You really are an idiot sometimes Hika.**_

I scowled at Yasao's insult but looked back at Haruhi, whose expression seemed to fall since those words left her lips.

 _Oh._

"You don't...talk to your family?"

At my question, she stood up, hands diving into her pockets almost aggressively. She turned to walk away.

 _ **Stop her.**_

"Hey, wait" I grabbed onto the hem of her sweater as she tried to move away, looking up at her from where I sat, my eyes pleading, "I'm sorry. That's none of my business, you're right"

"I'd like to go now. This was stupid" she almost growled.

"I'm not trying to be an asshole Haruhi, I just want to know you a little better"

"Why?" she span to glare at me, a mixture of confusion and anger in her hazel brown eyes.

"Because" I breathed, "Being shut in a cell with no one to talk to but the voice in your head for 3 years can drive someone insane. And I don't seem to be able to stop myself now that I'm out..." I could only be honest. Words and questions were coming out of me before I could stop them, and for some reason most of those were directed at Haruhi. Maybe it was because she was more similar to the red wing residents than the other guys, and so talking to her felt somewhat easier, even though she had proved that having a conversation with her was _anything_ but easy. But nonetheless, I couldn't seem to quench the curiosity that came with Haruhi.

She seemed to study me for the longest time, at first I thought she was going to shove me away and run off, but instead she surprised me by slowly lowering herself back down.

"Does the voice really talk to you?" she said.

 _ **Looks like we're not the only one's who are curious...**_

I nodded, "Uh...yeah"

"What does it do? Tell you to kill people and stuff?"

I waited for the echo of Yasao's laugh to disappear before answering.

"No" I replied, "He just...doesn't shut up"

"Doesn't he hurt people?"

I gave her a puzzled look.

"People talked about you when they heard you were coming back" she clarified, "Someone said you beat a guy almost to death on your first week"

That surprised me. It had been years since then, I didn't even know there were still residents around who had been there at that time. Who the hell would even remember? And why did Haruhi know about that?

I cleared my throat. It was the first time anyone had really asked me about it aside from the staff who worked here, I hadn't even practised a response. I guess I'd hoped no one who'd seen would still be here. "That's what got me put in here" I said, "But my meds keep him locked up"

"So you really did that?"

"No. Not me. He did it"

"How? He's a voice. Voices don't slam dinner trays down on people's heads"

I blinked. I didn't remember what Yasao had done that day, I only knew what I'd been told. But in dreams I'd seen myself grinning as the colour of the young boy's face changed from pink to red with each swing of a plastic tray. I didn't like thinking about those dreams. They didn't show _me._ They showed _him._

 _ **He had it coming.**_

 _No one deserves that shit._

"Can he hear you?" Haruhi asked, her eyes alive with interest.

I nodded.

"Can he hear me?"

I nodded again.

"Can he talk to me?"

I shook my head almost violently, "He's not allowed to"

 _ **Kill joy.**_

"Why not?"

"He doesn't say things people want to hear" I explained, "He's an asshole"

 _ **Fuck you Hika.**_

 _Fuck you right back._

"But he's listening now?"

 _He's always fucking listening._

I nodded.

Her eyes flicked between mine as if she were trying to find Yasao hidden behind my iris', and suddenly I realised that she hadn't told me to drop my gaze once. I stared right back.

"Does that scare you?" I asked.

She seemed to ponder the question, "No" she finally replied, "I don't think so"

 _ **Pretty girl isn't scared of me. I'm sure she'd like me even better in person.**_

 _No one likes you. You're everyone's worst nightmare._

"Does it scare you?" she suddenly asked. I was taken aback for a moment as I processed the question. I don't think anyone had ever asked me that.

I thought over my answer, "He used to. But not anymore. I guess I was always more scared of what he would do when he took over. But since I've learnt to control him he's more of an...annoyance"

"If you have him under control then why are you still here?"

 _ **Because you're lying.**_

"Because I'm not ready yet. You can't go from being detained in the red wing to walking free" I replied with a small reassuring smile, "I need time to adjust"

"Hmm" she furrowed her brow thoughtfully, her eyes still locked to mine.

"You haven't asked me to look away yet" I commented, hoping that mentioning it wouldn't make her revert back to telling me to avoid her gaze.

She shrugged, "I guess I got bored reminding you. Most people only need to be told once"

 _ **Don't you dare look away.**_

My eyes immediately flicked away from her, focusing on another group of residents across the yard. Yasao was getting attached. I _couldn't_ let him get attached.

"Why don't you like people looking at you?" I risked the question, scared she'd try to run away, just like she did with most of my other questions.

But she didn't, "It's too...personal" she replied slowly and hesitantly.

"How so?"

She shrugged, tensing visibly.

I tried again, "Is _anyone_ allowed to look you in the eye?"

"No" she exhaled, "No one is _allowed_ to"

"But I am?"

"Not at all" she answered almost too quickly, "You're just more stubborn than the others. But not enough of an asshole for me to punch for it"

That made me chuckle, "I suppose I'll take that as a good thing"

She didn't smile back, but I swear I saw the corner of her lips twitch. I wondered if I would ever see her smile the way she had done the night before.

"So why were you so happy last night? When we almost got caught?" I asked outloud.

She shrugged, "I don't know", but something told me she was lying.

"I've never seen you smile" I commented, "You should do it more often"

"I don't know if you've noticed Hitachiin, but we're in an insane asylum. There aren't a lot of reasons to smile here"

Actually, I would argue that there were many things to smile about. I had a comfortable bed to sleep on, my own shower to wash myself in, friends to speak to, family I could call and see. It was paradise after so long in a place where these things were rare if not impossible to obtain.

"But almost being caught made you smile?" I smirked, "You said it was 'exciting'"

"It was" she shrugged, "It was...something different"

"Couldn't you find your excitement in something a little less risky?"

"Where's the fun in that?" then her lips curled and parted, revealing the brightest and loveliest smile I'd ever seen. A smile that made the world around me turn silent, and an unsettling feeling punched me straight in the gut.

 _ **Beautiful**_

* * *

"How has your week been?" Huroi smiled cautiously, as if he were expecting an answer that was anything but positive.

I could only force a smile back, "It's been great actually"

"Oh? That's good to hear" he replied.

It was Monday morning. My second week in the amber wing and I'd already surpassed my original stay here 3 years ago by a few days. Honestly I was overjoyed by that, everyday brought me closer and closer to the end of my probationary period, and further away from the risk of being sent back to the red wing. I could tell by the way Dr Huroi looked at me that even he could see that.

"Have you been adjusting well to your studies?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I think I've got the hang of it"

"I understand the red wing didn't have much of an intensive education program. I'm happy to hear you've been settling into your classes, I was worried we would have to make other arrangements"

 _ **The red wing had**_ _ **no**_ _ **education program...**_

"It's boring" I admitted with a shrug, "But I'm getting all my work done"

"Yes. Your professor says you're doing well" Dr Huroi cleared his throat and spread out the papers on his desk, "Today I wanted to do a brief check in with you and talk a little more about 'Yasao'. From our last talk I understand that the personality is more active than most common cases of DID, so it's important that we make sure "he" is also adjusting as well"

"Why does that matter?"

"Well, we need to keep him happy too don't we" he smiled, "Then we can work towards combining the two of you"

"Combining?"

"That's something for further down the line. The eventual aim is to eliminate the dual personality"

I nodded.

 _Sounds good to me._

 _ **I fucking hate this guy.**_

"Is he upset with what I just said?" Huroi glanced up from his papers over his glasses.

I chewed my lip, "Yes"

"How do you know that? Do you feel his emotions or does he verbalise it?"

"He just told me"

Huroi nodded to himself, "Well, I hope he understands that this treatment is in both of your best interests. It can't be good for either of you battling for soul control"

 _ **I'm not going anywhere.**_

"He's not exactly the most understanding..." I breathed.

"Well, lets talk about that. Is Yasao comfortable with weighing in on our discussion?"

 _ **Get fucked.**_

"Yeah. He can do that"

The doctor leaned back in his chair. He almost seemed excited by my answer. It made me wonder how many cases of DID he'd seen.

I couldn't hold back the question, "Am I the first resident you've treated with dissociative identity disorder?"

Confusion seemed to cross his mind, "No. You're not the first. However most cases I've treated haven't been this lucid. For example, my last patient had 3 or 4 personalities in his head, but their presence mostly consisted of disjointed comments and remarks, and these personalities were pretty harmless, they didn't have any history of violence or ill-will. Yasao would be the first personality in some time who has been known to manifest himself and actually hurt someone, let alone listen in on conversations and also be able to consistently speak to his host"

"I see. I assumed this was pretty normal for people like me"

"DID can be unpredictable" he replied, "Some cases are similar, some aren't. It all depends on the personality the mind has conjured"

I could only nod. Even though I had this disorder I still didn't fully understand it, let alone understand how other people coped with it. I wondered how many residents here shared my disorder, and if I'd ever get to speak to them. Maybe Huroi would introduce me. Perhaps that could help me gain a better understanding.

"So" he breathed, "Yasao"

 _ **I'm not talking to this asshole.**_

 _You don't have a damn choice. If we don't comply, they send us back._

 _ **I don't have to say shit.**_

 _If we go back to red then you won't be able to see Haruhi again._

That seemed to shut him up. I hated using Haruhi as leverage, but honestly she seemed to be the only thing he responded to.

"How does Yasao feel about your new routine?" Dr Huroi uncapped his pen, a silent gesture that told me the analysis had officially begun.

"He seems to be fine with it" I shrugged, "He's enjoying the freedom"

"I suppose that takes some pressure off of you? Now that you also have more freedom it means you're not so isolated with him"

I nodded, "It's definitely a relief"

"And what about friends? Yasao, how do you feel about them?"

 _ **Blondie is annoying.**_

 _ **The kid weirds me out.**_

 _ **Big guy could kill us with a pencil.**_

 _ **Kyoya is all good with me.**_

 _ **And Haruhi...shes-**_

"It's a mixed bag" I blurted.

"Oh?"

"He has a habit of making his judgements from first impressions. He doesn't believe in 'getting to know' people"

 _ **Aside from Haruhi. She's special.**_

"I see" The doctor wrote a couple of words down in his notebook.

 _ **What the fuck is he writing?**_

"Has he shown any signs of hostility towards anyone thus far?"

I blinked, going through the merry-go-round of people in my head. Tamaki irritated him, but that's as far as it went. With Honey and Mori he seemed to feel nothing but indifference. And he seemed to hold some level of respect for Kyoya since their lack of empathy seemed to be on par with one another. And there was no question when it came to Haruhi, in fact Yasao's feelings for her felt like the exact opposite to 'hostility'. _That_ was almost worse. I knew from past experience how dangerous and active Yasao became when he got attached to someone. It happened with Kaoru.

 _And it better not fucking happen with Haruhi._

 _ **Haruhi is different.**_

 _And you're insane._

 _ **Look who's talking.**_

"Not especially" I finally answered, "The only person he's really taken a genuinely dislike to is someone called Amakusa"

"Benio Amakusa?"

I nodded, "Yeah. But not many residents seem to like her either"

Dr Huroi sighed, "Yes, I've had her name mentioned in this room many times. She's a handful"

 _ **Understatement of the decade.**_

"Has Yasao expressed anything towards her that is cause for concern?"

"No" I replied, "He just doesn't like her. He hasn't said anything that makes me think he wants to hurt her"

"That's a positive then" he made a note in his book.

 _ **Do you think Haruhi will be waiting for us when we get out?**_

"I've gotten closer to Haruhi" I suddenly said. I slammed my mouth shut instantly, having no idea why the comment had crawled it's way out.

 _Keep your thoughts to yourself._

 _ **You wouldn't have said it if she wasn't on your mind too.**_

"Oh?" Huroi looked interested, his wide eyes meeting mine, edging me for more information.

I nodded slowly, "I think she's warming up to me" I admitted, "We've been talking more. She seems less hostile"

He smiled, "I'm glad to hear that. Haruhi doesn't let just _anyone_ close to her"

I took a deep breath, feeling all the Haruhi-related questions knock against the barrier of my lips.

 _ **Ask him.**_

 _He's not allowed to answer._

 _ **It's worth a shot. Worst he can say is 'no'.**_

I wanted to tell him to shut up, but honestly his questions _were_ my questions. I _wanted_ to know more about her. But this nagging feeling in my gut told me that it was a betrayal to her even entertaining the idea. If she wasn't comfortable to tell me, then I shouldn't be seeking answers from other people.

 _ **Huroi knows more than anyone. Surely there's something he can tell us.**_

I cleared the guilt from my throat and hesitantly I opened my mouth, "She seems closed off" I said, "Should I...worry about her?"

Huroi regarded me with caution, "Haruhi isn't someone you need to worry about, if it's your safety that's your concern"

I shook my head, "I don't think she's a danger. I just don't think she's allowing her friends to give her more support...you told me it's encouraged to talk about our history so we can involve our friends and work with them. Haruhi doesn't do that. She seems...isolated.

 _Like us in the red wing...so isolated..._

"It's not unusual for residents to be private"

"I understand that" I breathed, "But surely there's something I'm allowed to know about her. I mean...does she have a condition? Is there anything I shouldn't do around her? Or say?"

I expected the doctor to look uncomfortable, or even outraged, but he simply looked back at me calmly, a warmth radiating from his face.

"Haruhi's...condition isn't one that can be put into a box. Many residents have a form of it, many people on the outside have it, but she's been through a lot for a girl of only 18 years. She has her reasons for keeping other's at arm's length, and it's not right to force her out of that comfort zone. Of course I encourage her to socialize, but after everything it's not easy to make someone embrace a life that's so different to the one she grew up with"

 _ **So...something bad happened before she came here?**_

"Someone told me she was brought here by a police officer" I said.

Huroi hesitated, "I suppose that's public knowledge by now"

"Is she here serving a sentence?"

He shook his head, "No. Haruhi has done nothing wrong. She was brought by an officer merely for her safety"

"So she was in danger?"

Huroi didn't answer.

I sighed, "Is there _anything_ specific you can tell me about her?"

He let out a breath and slowly closed his notebook, as if finalising the interrogation before my eyes. My stomach dropped, knowing I'd fucked it up.

"I'm not allowed to disclose that information" he replied, "So...shall we get back to you?"

 _ **Dammit.**_


	8. Chapter 7

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

 **Chapter 7**

* * *

 _The wind seemed to pick up as I stepped further into the fog. Underfoot I could feel the crunch of the icy grass beneath my shoes, and the billowing white air that passed my lips told me it was cold. But I felt nothing._

" _ **There you are"** a mimicking voice taunted me in the distance. _

_I narrowed my eyes, trying to make out the darkened shape in the fog._

" _Yasao?" I called in reply._

 _He laughed, **"It's been a while since you've met me here"**_

" _I don't think we've ever been to this place before"_

" _ **Don't you recognise it?"**_

 _I glanced around. It was hard to see through the thick mist shrouding my surroundings, but after a few moments I could just about make out the oak tree. I furrowed my brow._

" _The courtyard..." I murmured._

" _ **I guess your mind is still thinking about Haruhi"**_

" _Why do you say that?"_

 _The figure came closer, and after a few anticipated seconds he stood into view. His face was my own, his body the same, but somehow so different. It wasn't too far off from looking in a mirror, but also a far cry from seeing Kaoru. He was something between us both. Identical, but somehow hard to look in the eye. There was so much darkness in him, so much pain. His grin was so unsettling, like someone who wasn't enjoying the moment, but someone who was revelling in the pain of another. And that other person was me._

" _ **Don't give me that look"** he smirked, **"I though you would have missed this"**_

 _I could only scowl and turn away. Maybe I could find a better dream in the other direction._

" _ **Oh come on"** he huffed, **"You were the one who dreamed me up. What's the use in running? Obviously you wanted to talk"**_

" _I have nothing to say to you"_

 _He was in front of me almost instantly, and I came face to face with...well...my own face. He scoffed._

" _ **What's on your mind?"** he teased, lifting a finger under my chin. _

_I shrugged him off, "You. Apparently"_

" _ **Well, I'm flattered"**_

" _Don't be" I murmured, "I hate it when this happens"_

" _ **I don't"** Yasao shrugged, **"It's nice to be able to stretch my legs"**_

 _He flashed his pearly teeth at me, then wrapped a large arm across my shoulders, pulling me against him._

" _ **What should we talk about?"**_

" _Nothing"_

 _He frowned, **"Nothing? Wow. What a waste of a dream"**_

" _I'd like to wake up now"_

" _ **Boo. Don't be a spoiled sport"**_

 _I shook my head in frustration and shrugged away from his touch._

" _ **Why don't we talk about Haruhi? I'm sure that'll kill a few hours"**_

 _I heard the smirk in his voice, which caused me to turn and scowl at him. I felt my jaw tense and my teeth grind down on themselves._

" _ **Ohhhh"** Yasao tried to hide the amusement on his face, and failed, **"Okay, calm down"**_

" _You need to stop thinking about her so much. You're driving me crazy"_

" _ **You can't blame all those thoughts on me"** he laughed, continuing on his mission to get as close to me as possible, as he cupped my shoulders in his palms. He looked me in the eyes and grinned wickedly, **"I think most of those thoughts you have about her are your own. You can't blame me for all of them"**_

 _I shook my head again, "You're getting too attached to her"_

" _ **Well, maybe so"** he didn't seem too bothered, **"But we like her don't we? Am I not allowed to think about her?"**_

" _Not the amount you do"_

" _ **How do you know it's me and not you?"**_

" _Because you're the one who gets obsessive. You did the same thing to Kaoru"_

" _ **Kaoru is my brother too. And I'm allowed to think about him as such"**_

" _You're not real. You're not his brother"_

" _ **I am real"** he grit his teeth, his knuckles turning white as he gripped me, **"It's just your fault I'm not really here"**_

" _That...that wasn't my fault"_

" _ **I wouldn't be here if you truly believed that"** a smirk spread across his face, **"Anyway. Haruhi. I want to talk about Haruhi"**_

" _And what could you possibly have to say about her?"_

 _His arms snaked across my shoulders again and a smile replaced the smirk, **"How can we get her to talk about herself?"**_

" _We don't. She doesn't want to talk"_

" _ **Don't we have a right to know? She knows about us"**_

" _That's her business"_

" _ **Oh come on. Even you're dying to know more about her"**_

 _Of course I was. But I wasn't going to push her or invade her privacy._

" _ **I was thinking. Since she won't tell you, maybe she'll tell me"**_

 _I froze, "What are you suggesting?"_

" _ **I'm suggesting you let me out for a night. Just one. And let me talk to her. I'm sure I could convince our pretty girl"**_

" _For fuck's sake Yasao"_

" _ **What?"**_

" _Do I really need to say it?"_

" _ **Haruhi is safe. She wouldn't rat us out"**_

" _I don't care. It would freak her out and you're unpredictable"_

" _ **What if I promised to be on my best behaviour?"**_

" _Then I still wouldn't believe you" I growled, "You're staying where you are. End of story"_

 _Yasao pouted like a petulant child and stomped a foot, **"You haven't let me out in weeks, I'm bored"**_

" _It was different in the red wing" I grumbled, "You couldn't do anything, or go anywhere. And god knows it was the only way I could sleep"_

" _ **You can't just take that away from me. I liked being able to feel things, see things through my own eyes..."**_

" _You mean my eyes"_

" _ **You know what I mean"**_

" _The answer is no"_

 _Yasao's face turned bitter, his eyes darkening at my words._

 _It was true. Back in the red wing we'd had a deal. After lights out and the doors were locked, I would let Yasao out. I'd found that with my newest meds Yasao couldn't come out without my say so, and I used that to my advantage. One night I accidentally let my mind stay open, as if leaving the door unlocked an inch, and I simply let him walk out. It wasn't like he could do anything of harm in that cell room. There was no where to go, no one to hurt. And when he took over I simply slipped away into sleep until I awoke. No harm, no foul. But I couldn't risk that here. Not where he could free roam the campus, or speak to whoever he pleased. He wasn't to be trusted. Especially now that the only thing on his mind was Haruhi._

" _ **Are you scared I'll take her away from you?"** he cocked his head to the side, a thoughtful look on his face. _

" _Don't be stupid" I grumbled and began to walk away from him, "You know it's not like that with her"_

 _He called after me, **"Maybe not yet"**_

" _Just stop Yasao. Please"_

" _ **We could share her you know?"** I suddenly felt his arms wind around my waist from behind, and his squared chin rested on my shoulder. I tried to pull away but he simply held me there, his lips closing in on my ear, **"You, me, Haruhi. She'd never go neglected"**_

" _You're disgusting"_

" _ **Or maybe I'm just passionate"**_

" _Stop thinking about her like that" I replied firmly. I remembered now what I wanted to tell Yasao. Why I brought him here in my dream. It was to tell him this. "Stop obsessing over her. Stop thinking about her. She's clearly been through a lot, and the last thing she needs is you casting her in your sick fantasies. She's actually letting herself get close to me, I'm not fucking up this friendship just because you can't keep it in your pants"_

" _ **Things will be a lot easier if you just admit you like her too"**_

" _I'm waking up now. You better be quiet when I do"_

" _ **No promises Hika"** and with a brief kiss on my cheek, my eyes flew open._

* * *

Haruhi sat beside me at her desk, her eyes glued to the board at the front of the class. I did my best not to watch her but honestly it was a struggle. I couldn't seem to resist. She just seemed so different in class. Her eyes seemed to light up, her voice frequented the room more often than when she was outside, and every barrier she seemed to continuously carry were left at the door. It was mesmerising to watch.

As she began taking more notes she paused suddenly, then slowly turned her head to glance at me. I quickly span my head away, feeling my cheeks heat up with embarrassment from being caught staring.

I knew I shouldn't have been doing it in the first place. Yasao was enough of a reason. I shouldn't be fuelling his obsessive fire more, but for some reason I just couldn't resist the urge to study her. It was like night and day. Now she was so open, asking questions, nodding her head, engaging with her surroundings, but I knew the moment the bell rang she would be up and out of her seat before I'd even tucked in my chair. Then she would go back to avoiding eye contact and giving one word answers before hiding away in her room. I'd hoped we would be able to talk again like we had done in the courtyard the day before. But even when I saw her in the hallway before class she barely even acknowledged me.

When the bell rang she was up on her feet, and predictably was already moving towards the door. I moved as fast as I could, practically throwing my notebook on the teacher's desk with the rest of the classes, and moved to keep up with her.

"Haruhi?" I called out as I followed her into the hallway.

She stopped mid-step and glanced over her shoulder at me.

She didn't say anything, but she didn't keep walking either.

"I uh...I didn't get a chance to say hi this morning..." I said dumbly.

Her eyebrow arched, "Okay"

I cleared my throat, "Are...are you going back to your room?"

She shook her head and started walking again, but this time she left room beside her for me to continue along with her. I tried to hold back the smile.

"I have a counselling session" she said.

"Oh" I replied, "With Dr Huroi?"

She nodded.

 _ **You think Huroi will tell her we asked about her?**_

 _I damn hope not. She'd never trust us again._

 _ **Does that mean you feel bad about it?**_

 _Of course I do. I had no right to say anything._

 _ **Was worth a shot.**_

"I'll walk you there" I offered a confident smile, which seemed to fill her expression with confusion.

"Why?" she asked.

"Do I need a reason other than just to be nice?"

The look she gave me didn't seem all too trusting. It were as if she were expecting me to ask for something in return, she paused as if to give me more time to let it out. I wondered if this dynamic was something she'd been accustomed to on the outside before she came here. It only made both myself and Yasao stir with more questions.

"Why do you keep doing this?" she muttered, as if only to herself. We both started walking again, side by side towards the counsellors block, our steps in time with one another.

"Doing what?" I replied.

Her head started shaking, "Talking to me"

I frowned, "Because I like talking to you"

I'd never lied to her, I didn't plan on starting now.

She didn't seem to believe me, "Sure"

"I do" I pressed.

"But why? Do I have to spell it out to you that I don't need or want a friend?"

"I don't think that's entirely true" I flashed her a sideways smile, making a point of meeting her eyes. As if to prove my point, she didn't look away or tell me to stop, "Why not just give it a chance?"

"A chance? To be your friend?"

I nodded, "Dr Huroi has been pushing me to make friends here. You see him too, surely he's said the same thing?"

The look she returned was once again one of confusion. I could practically see the process of her thoughts turning over behind her eyes.

"I don't see the point" she finally answered.

"The point? Of friends?"

"Yeah. Why worry about someone else when you already have your own problems?"

"For that reason exactly" I smiled.

"Huh?" her brows knit together.

"Because a friend will look after you when you feel like you can't" I breathed.

Haruhi stopped walking, and I almost tripped at the sudden pause. She stared up at me, in a way I'd never seen her look before. Like she was slowly absorbing every word. Her lips parted slightly, but no words came out.

I felt Yasao jiggle the handle at the door to my consciousness, signalling his desperation to get out. I expected it was because Haruhi looked so tiny and innocent in that moment. No harsh edges, no challenge in her stare, just her big brown eyes looking up into mine with fascination and maybe even admiration? Trust? I was transfixed, not wanting the moment to end.

But just as I opened my mouth to say something, the door to our side opened and Dr Huroi stood there studying us.

 _I didn't even notice we were here already..._

Dr Huroi stared at us both, and for some reason I felt like I'd been caught doing something I shouldn't, especially since the last time we spoke I'd bombarded him with questions over Haruhi. I could only wonder how bad it must have looked seeing me stood there with her. But I wasn't the only one who seemed sheepish, even Haruhi was stunned silent, looking back at the doctor with wide unsure eyes.

"Fujioka" Huroi greeted, "And Hitachiin" his eyes darted to me, "We don't have a session today, did you forget?"

I shook my head, "No, I know we don't. I was just...walking Haruhi from class..."

The doctor nodded with a smile, "I see. How very thoughtful of you" he then glanced back at Haruhi, who was yet to say anything.

And apparently that wasn't going to change, as she gave me one last look, her usual stoic stare back in perfect place, then stepped past Dr Huroi into his office without even a glance back at me.

My eyes returned to Dr Huroi, who was still smiling politely.

"Are you still okay for our session on Friday?" he asked me, as if completely forgetting how damn awkward this situation was.

I nodded.

"Glad to hear it" he grinned warmly, "Now, will you be waiting here the full hour for Haruhi's session to finish?"

I shook my head anxiously, surprised by the annoyed tone to his voice.

 _ **He probably thinks you're grilling Haruhi for answers since he didn't give you any.**_

 _But I'm not._

 _ **Still, it looks a little suspicious you being here. Doesn't it?**_

I chewed the inside of my cheek.

"I'll see you on Friday Dr Huroi"

He nodded, his smile growing more genuine, "I look forward to it Hitachiin. I have a feeling we have some developments to discuss"

I heard the echo of Yasao's growl.

* * *

Yasao was angry. Really angry.

I'd skipped the rest of the day, writing it off as a lost cause the moment the door to Dr Huroi's office clicked shut. I sat in my room, bracing myself against the desk as wave after wave of Yasao's rage flooded over me.

"Calm the hell down" I groaned, cupping the sides of my temples.

 _ **That bastard looked at us like we were garbage.**_

"No he didn't" I sighed, "He was just worried about Haruhi's recovery"

 _ **He spoke to us like shit.**_

"And so what if he did? What the hell are you going to do about it?"

Images of violence flashed through my mind, fragments of memories from Yasao's own inventory.

 _Keep it to-fucking-gether._

 _ **He scared Haruhi away.**_

"I think we might have done that"

 _ **Haruhi isn't scared of us.**_

"I wouldn't be too sure about that"

A knock broke through Yasao's reply and I glanced up towards the door.

 _ **Whoever it is, tell them to fuck off.**_

I ignored him and took a calming breath before clutching the handle, ready to politely shoo away whoever was there. I wasn't in the mood to force conversation, not when Yasao was screaming my ears off. But I struggled to find my voice as I saw who was standing there in the hallway. It was the last person I expected to see.

"Hi" Haruhi greeted, her gaze focused on the wall behind me.

"Hi" I replied, my voice sounding as if it were miles away.

 _ **She's here. She's here. She's really here.**_

I squeezed the bridge of my nose,

 _Stop, I can't focus when you're like this._

"Can I come in?" Haruhi said. It was less of a question and more of a statement as she was already ducking under my arm to enter my room.

"Sure..." I breathed, and closed the door with a soft click.

Haruhi was already sitting on the bed when I turned to face her, her back resting against the wall as her eyes followed me, as if anticipating my next move.

 _ **Sit next to her.**_

I sat in the seat at my desk.

 _ **Fuck you Hikaru.**_

"Are you okay?" I asked cautiously.

 _ **No I'm fucking not.**_

 _I'm not talking to you._

"Sure" she shrugged, then her brows slowly knit together, "Actually I'm confused"

"Con...fused?"

She nodded, staring directly ahead, "Dr Huroi told me not to see you anymore"

 _ **He fucking did what?!**_

 _Don't. Please, I beg you._

I could feel Yasao's anger bubbling, it was so strong I could feel myself go lightheaded. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to clear some of the shapes and stars flooding my vision.

 _ **I will fucking kill him.**_

"I don't...understand" I managed to choke out, speaking over the loud hissing of Yasao's words.

"Yeah. Me neither" her head lolled back on the wall, her gaze moving upwards to stare at the ceiling, "He said you're not good for my recovery"

 _It's because we asked about her. He thinks we're going to push her for information she doesn't want to give._

 _ **I don't care what the reason is. He has no fucking right to take pretty girl away from us.**_

"Why would he say that?" I questioned, feigning innocence.

Haruhi's eyes then tilted to mine, and for the longest moment she just stared at me.

"I talked about you a lot today" she breathed in a tone that almost made it seem like she was ashamed to admit it, "I think he believes I've been focusing more on you than me"

 _He didn't tell her what we said._

 _ **She talked about us. She's thinking about us.**_

"You said he told you to make more friends right?" she asked.

I nodded.

"I don't think he meant me"

 _ **Fucking bastard. Fucking bastard. Fucking bastard...**_

I pressed my temples and let my eyes flutter shut.

"Is everything...okay?" Haruhi questioned hesitantly.

I nodded as best as I could, "Yeah..." I strained.

"Is he back again?"

She was talking about Yasao.

"He never goes away" I spoke through gritted teeth, "You just caught him in a bad mood is all"

"Is he mad at me?"

"No. Not you"

"Dr Huroi?"

I answered her silently, giving her an apologetic look.

"I see" she nodded in understanding, "What's he saying?"

"You don't want to know"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't" she challenged.

I sighed. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her away.

 _Please just shut up Yasao so I can think._

 _ **What's there to think about? This asshole is taking her away from us.**_

 _And you think shouting will fix that?_

 _ **I think letting me out to handle this like the man you should be, would fix things. **_

"He's...shouting. He doesn't like Dr Huroi" I answered vaguely.

"Does he like me?" Haruhi asked.

I could only nod, there was no reason to lie, "Yeah. You actually might be the only person he _does_ like"

A small smile seemed to grace her face, but it vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared.

"So...if he told you not to see me anymore...then why are you here?" the question came out slow and unsure. I wasn't complaining that she was here, in fact, I was actually pretty happy for some reason. The idea of not being about to see Haruhi gave me this weird unpleasant feeling in my gut.

She caught my eyes again, "I don't like it when people tell me what I can and can't do" she smirked.

"I can't say I hadn't noticed" I breathed out a laugh.

"Honestly if he hadn't said anything I probably wouldn't have even thought about coming by...but since he told me I wasn't allowed to, I just couldn't resist"

"Do you think he'll be mad you for going against his wishes?" I asked.

She seemed to ponder the question, "Maybe. But does it matter what he thinks?"

 _ **No.**_

"No"

She smiled a little, and I felt my chest burn. I loved her smile, every time I saw it I immediately began brainstorming ways to see it again.

 _ **And you still deny you like her. Pathetic.**_

"It's not like Huroi has done much to help" Haruhi mumbled, "I've been seeing him since the day I got here, and I don't feel any different"

"Didn't you used to fight a lot more?" I risked the question.

She didn't seem too bothered, "I guess. But I think I just got so used to it here...to the people. They're not like the ones I knew on the outside..." as soon as her sentence finished, her lips slammed shut, as if she'd said too much.

I wanted to ask about it, to see how much she would let slip. But I couldn't bring myself to do so. I already felt like an asshole for asking Huroi about her, I wasn't going to double down on that feeling. So I simply nodded, and she seemed to relax when no follow up questions came.

"Well, I'm glad you're not doing what he said" I admitted, "Even though you scare the crap out of me sometimes, I actually enjoy seeing you"

To that, she laughed. Only a small laugh, but her smile was wide as she looked at me. My heart swelled with pride. _I_ did that. _I_ made her laugh.

"I guess you're not too bad either" she replied, "You're not like the other residents"

"I'm not?"

She shook her head, "No. You try to be. But I can tell there's a lot of things you don't say, things you only think about"

We were talking with full eye contact now, and unlike all the times before, I had absolutely no desire to look away. She gave off no hint that she wanted me too, or that she was uncomfortable. In fact, she seemed as if she were seeking out my gaze now, rather than avoiding it.

I blinked as her words soaked in.

"I think that comes with the territory when you have another person in your head" I replied, "If I repeated half the things he told me I'd be back in the red wing before dinner"

She smiled again, and I smiled back.


	9. Chapter 8

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

 **Chapter 8**

* * *

"Happy end-of-probation day!" the chorus of voices greeted me the moment I stepped round the corner of the hallway.

Taken off guard, my eyes immediately bulged out of my head in surprise, almost falling flat on my ass.

"Hika-chan I made you a card!" Honey grinned and leapt to his bunny slipper-clad feet, a large piece of pink craft paper half the size of him clutched to his chest. The front read in thick blue marker - _"Welcome to Amber!"_

I bit back a smirk as I noticed his misspelling of the word 'welcome' and I felt my chest swell with gratitude.

"Oh my god" I chuckled, "This is... _wow_ "

 _ **This is painful.**_

 _Shut up. We did it. We made it to 3 weeks. Be happy for once._

I couldn't quite believe it. From the moment my eyes opened that morning I was elated. I was officially a permanent amber wing resident, no slip ups, no dramas, no blackouts. I'd proven myself to everyone that I deserved to be here, and not across the way in the red wing.

It was hard to get my head around how long I'd been there now. 3 weeks didn't seem like a long time, but since I'd arrived I'd been counting down the days until this very moment, and it had seemed to take a lifetime. But I was here now. And that felt amazing.

Until I remembered that it meant I had my post-probation meeting with Dr Huroi after lunch.

I glanced at Haruhi who was sitting in her usual spot on the floor, she gave me a tight smile, then looked back down at the book in her lap.

I'd seen Huroi a few times since Haruhi had met me in my room and seemingly offered her friendship. But Huroi hadn't quizzed me on our relationship, the reason being I assumed was so that I didn't have a reason to think about her. The reality was that I actually kind of liked Haruhi. As cold and distant as she could be, she also had moments where she'd show thoughtfulness, kindness, selflessness. And that smile. That smile could bring anyone to their knees.

But nonetheless he made sure to go deep with talks on Yasao once more and encouraging my continued good behaviour. I had breathed a sigh of relief, as Yasao hurled abuse at him from inside my head. His hatred for Huroi had done nothing but grow, he hated how he seemed to be pushing us away from Haruhi, and everytime she left for another session with him, Yasao could only stew in his concerns – imagining what Huroi must have been saying about us, and if he was telling her to stay away. And yet, everytime she left her sessions she found me, as if nothing had happened.

Not only that, but she also walked back with me after ever class. It had only been just over a week since we established the makings of a friendship, but in that time it seemed that she and I were becoming closer and closer after ever meeting. She smiled more, she laughed more. She even spoke to Yasao through me on occasion, even though some of the things he had to say to her I had to edit slightly to make it more appropriate. She could still be distant and cold, and at times she just wanted to sit in silence beside me. But it still felt nice to be wanted. I understood that the others could be overwhelming at times since there were 4 of them, so I took it to heart when I realised she preferred to sit with me alone out of everyone. Yasao was pretty happy about it too.

"Do you like it?" Honey beamed up at me, pulling me out of my reverie. He waved the card in his hands.

I chuckled, "I love it"

His smile grew and Mori ruffled his hair.

"How do you feel?" Tamaki asked as I took the seat closest to where Haruhi sat on the carpet.

"Like a ton of bricks have been taken off my shoulders" I replied.

The morning passed by in a blur before breakfast, during which I took a risk by sitting next to Haruhi.

Usually she made sure to sit with at least one chair empty between herself and the person next to her, and I always took one of the seats across the table. Maybe it was the new found confidence, or the fact that our friendship seemed to be growing steadily, but I decided to take the chance and pulled out the chair right beside her, laying my tray down on the table.

I was all too aware of everyone else's eyes resting on me in apprehension, their forks and knifes stilling in their hands.

But Haruhi barely reacted. She merely looked at me as I lifted my paper cup to my lips, looking right back at her. She seemed to study me for a moment, as if she were trying to discover my motive for choosing that seat. But then she simply hummed to herself, and looked back at her food, continuing to pick through it.

I caught a smile on Tamaki's face as we ate in silence.

The rest of the day seemed to be painted in a rose tint, even during class. I was just too proud of myself for making it this far. I'd even managed to squeeze in a quick phone call to Kaoru before lunch, sharing my joy with him. Once again I had hoped Mom or Dad would be there to talk, but as usual they were working as far too busy to talk.

 _ **Kaoru needs to start thinking of new excuses.**_

I hated agreeing with him but honestly I couldn't fault his point.

The only down side to the day was that Haruhi was nowhere to be seen during Lunch. I asked Tamaki about it but was only answered with a shrug.

I put it down to her not being hungry, as she didn't usually eat much. That morning she'd managed to polish off her whole plate, so I surmised that she was probably still full.

I smiled to myself thinking about it. And made a note to speak to her after my session.

…

Dr Huroi seemed a little more relaxed during our session. Unlike the ones previous where I could feel the distaste he had for my fascination with Haruhi radiating off him.

But this session didn't start like those ones. In fact he'd actually congratulated me before working on my terminology and history of my condition. Telling me things people had only summarized in passing.

He'd given me terms for aspects of my condition, such as the phrase 'dissociative amnesia' instead of what I called 'blackouts', he called Yasao an 'alter', and explained something called 'co-consciousness' which was when the alter and the host could co-control the consciousness, as well as 'derealisation' which explained why sometimes when Yasao took over I saw flashes as if I were dreaming or watching from the sidelines.

I'd never heard of these things, my previous experiences in therapy had been so vague and impersonal that I didn't know all these names and explanations. He'd even gone into detail about other people with DID, and how most of them have more than just two personalities. He talked about someone who had 20 alters, and explained how they essentially had a network of separate working pieces running the brain, having protectors, and child alters all coming together in this one person's body. I was almost an anomaly having only 1 other alter. He also explained how Yasao was a manifestation of guilt, meaning he wasn't some evil identity that was hostile or dark. Alters were developed in the brain to help benefit the host and look after them, and partition the pain and trauma they'd gone through.

Yasao wasn't a protector, he wasn't a 'little', the closest thing he was was a 'persecutor'. He was a manifestation of someone I never knew but wanted to, he was me dissociating from myself from my guilt and the feelings I went through when I was trying to accept what I'd learnt about him, and that made him the way he was. He was there to project my guilt onto me so I didn't have to. My head was spinning as the information soaked in, trying to unpick it all and apply it to my knowledge of my condition. And then he said DID was a managed condition, and that there was no reason why I wouldn't be released back into the public. All we had to do was calm Yasao and confront the guilt that made him. He may not go away, but I could make peace with him. The idea of being let out to live a normal life made me want to cry with happiness.

 _ **This is dumb.**_

 _No. This is an answer. This helps us._

 _ **Helps you, you mean.**_

 _Helps us both. We can make peace. Live like a relatively normal person._

"How is Yasao taking this information?" The doctor asked, tapping his pen on the surface of his desk.

I shrugged, "Not as well as me, but he's calm"

"Good" Dr Huroi nodded, "From what I've seen he's been getting calmer and calmer as of lately"

 _ **It is what is is Doc.**_

I bit back the smirk. Even Yasao couldn't argue with that.

"What would you say is the main reason for this?" Huroi asked, "My sessions? Your friends?" there was an edge to the last word, as if he were fishing for a specific answer, an answer I wasn't sure he particularly wanted to hear.

 _ **Pretty girl.**_

This time I couldn't hide the smile.

"I see" the Doctor mumbled in reply, then wrote something down in his notes, "Haruhi I presume?"

 _ **He told her to stay away from us. Don't say anything that could get her in trouble.**_

Yasao's concern took me by surprise. Concern was a rarity with him.

"I've gotten close with everyone on my floor" I replied. I bit my lip, wanting to hold the words back, but somehow I just couldn't help myself from asking, "Should I not speak to Haruhi?" I questioned.

 _ **Don't push it.**_

Huroi seemed to grip his pen tighter, as if brandishing a weapon between his fingers. My spine went rigid in defence, not liking the sudden change in atmosphere.

"Haruhi is a fragile subject" he responded, his voice a little more stern, as if he were a father telling his child to keep their hands away from the stove top, "It's important that the people she associates with don't cause her to regress in treatment"

 _But if anything, she's become more open since we became friends..._

"Why would I make her regress?" I asked, making sure to keep my eyes trained on his.

Huroi sighed, "It's nothing personal Hikaru. Haruhi just needs non-violent influences around her"

"I haven't been violent in months. That's why I'm here"

That didn't seem to be the answer he wanted.

"I've worked very hard with Haruhi after the last 6 months she's been here. When she arrived she was in one of the worst states of PTSD I'd seen in years. She needs balance and structure, which means any changes to her routine could cause her to regress"

 _ **Sounds like bullshit to me.**_

 _Agreed._

"She seems happy" I replied, "Surely she should be able to make her own decisions"

Huroi sighed, shaking his head at me, "She doesn't know what's best for her

 _ **And you do?**_

I almost repeated Yasao's words but decided against it, not wanting to turn this conversation from passive aggressive, to a full out argument.

"Obviously I can't force you to stay away from her. But I can still advise it. Her mind needs to be focused elsewhere" he said dryly. Then he met my eyes with a stern and sinister look, "Especially after today"

I raised a brow, "Today?"

 _ **What does he mean after today?**_

Huroi closed his notebook, and lowered his pen, "Shut the door on your way out Hikaru. I'll see you next week"

…

Suddenly I understood exactly what Haruhi meant when she said the moment Huroi had told her to stay away she had the urge to do the opposite. Because the moment Huroi's door closed behind me, I immediately found myself searching for her. If anything I needed to tell her about what Huroi had said, and how much he had _"advised"_ me to stay away from her, giving me a bullshit lie as the reason. I mean it felt like a lie.

 _ **Of course it's a lie. Haruhi likes us.**_

 _But why would he lie?_

 _ **And what did he mean by 'especially after today?'?**_

I didn't know. And frankly, I didn't want to know either. For a psychiatrist I thought he was meant to fix my head, not scramble it even more. Maybe Tamaki could talk to his Dad about getting me another one? Clearly things weren't working out with Huroi, even though the beginning of the session had seemed to start out alright.

My legs carried me all the way to the dorm room floor, my legs heavy as I took the last step upwards. The first thing I saw when I reached the top were the others sat in their usual spot. At first I didn't notice the weird atmosphere surrounding them, until I stepped closer and realised none of them were talking and looking at the ground. And Haruhi wasn't even sat with them.

"What is it?" I asked.

Only Tamaki raised his eyes to look at me, and I was instantly taken back by the sullen look on his face.

"Haruhi has been summoned to court" Tamaki said, his voice almost dreary, as if he couldn't quite believe the words he was saying.

 _ **Court? What did she do?**_

"Court?" I questioned, "What do you mean court?"

"The chairman came by to find her. She didn't take it well, we heard the whole thing" Kyoya continued. Even he sounded somewhat troubled.

"Where is she? Is she okay?" I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and my heart began to palpitate almost angrily.

"She's still in her room" Honey wiped his eyes on his sleeve, "She sounded really sad. She was begging Mr Suoh not to make her go"

"Well? Does she have to?" I felt frantic, looking from one set of eyes to another searching for just one clear answer, but everyone just looked so...stunned.

"She said...a lot of things" Honey continued, "She was shouting"

 _ **We're not getting anywhere with these guys.**_

Following Yasao's lead, I began striding towards Haruhi's room, ignoring the discouraging words from the others.

I knocked firmly on the wood of the door, taking deep calming breaths as I listened for Haruhi's answer. From what the others had said, I had expected to be met with a barrage of yells, telling me to 'fuck off' and leave her alone. But instead my ears were met by silence.

"Haru" I spoke softly, "It's me"

There was nothing for several moments, and then...

"Just you?" a timid voice replied.

My heart jumped into my throat.

"Yes" I breathed calmly, "Just me"

 _ **Don't forget about me.**_

I rolled my eyes.

Several seconds passed, then the light and barely audible sound of a handle being turned met my ears, and then the door slowly opened to reveal Haruhi, looking at me in a way I'd never seen before. Stood on shaking legs like a lost child looking for comfort. From someone. Anyone. I'd never even considered that Haruhi cried before, but her eyes were so puffy and red with the angriest of tears, and behind those tears was pain. Hopelessness and pain.

My voice caught as I tried to speak, "Haruhi"

Her head was already shaking, "I...I don't know what to do"

Slowly and hesitantly, I stepped inside her room, and immediately I noticed the state it was in. The desk was overturned, books scattered the floor – pages still drifting silently onto the carpet, her bed sheets were torn from the bed, feathers floating down like snowflakes, it looked like a tornado had spun through the small space.

She then shut the door almost immediately behind me, and crumbled to the floor on her knees.

 _ **We need to do something.**_

Without thinking, I lowered myself to the ground beside her, trying to hold back my own emotions as I watched her shoulders shake with the force of her sobs. She was crying. _Haruhi_ was crying.

"Talk to me" I whispered, "I'm here. Whatever you need, I'm here"

Then suddenly she threw herself at me, her arms locking around my neck as her head buried itself against my chest. Stunned, I almost fell back onto the floor as I brought my arms up to steady her. I could feel the weight of her tears bleed through the material of my shirt as I held her, and she clung to me, as if she wanted to crawl inside and disappear.

She seemed so small, cradled in my lap like this. We sat there for who knows how long, her face pressed into me, fists balling at my shirt as her sobs slowly turned into heavy sorrow-filled breaths. I didn't want to say anything. Words didn't seem like the right thing in that moment. She just wanted to be held, to have someone take away the pain flooding out of her, and I was beyond willing to do that for her.

Her breathing became steady after a while, but I still waited for her to pull away first, not wanting to take away any comfort she was shielding herself in. Eventually, her face lifted and those big sad eyes met mine.

She sniffed, then slowly untangled herself from me, purposefully separating us by a couple of feet.

"That was stupid" she said in a hoarse tone.

I exhaled, "Don't say that"

Her eyes averted downwards, and I could see she was already trying to retreat back into herself, as if she were deeply ashamed by what she just did.

"What happened Haru?" I kept my tone as soft as I could. I didn't want her to shut me out, to put those walls back up and hide everything from me, from anyone. I risked reaching my hand out to her, and before I could even reach her she thrust her fingers out to wrap around mine.

She took a shaky breath, "They told me I wouldn't have to go. They said...they said it was an open and shut case, that there would be no need to testify" her voice was a bitter whisper as she squeezed my hand in hers.

"Testify..." I let the word hang in the air for a moment as I took in it's meaning and the weight it held, "Who are you testifying against?"

She didn't answer, she simply kept her eyes trained to the ground as her chest rose and fell faster and faster with every pained breath.

I shuffled closer to her, lowering my head so I could see her more clearly. Her lips moved silently, as if she were trying to force the words out. Then her eyes met mine, and I watched as they slowly began filling with fresh tears.

"My mother" she whispered.

* * *

 **A/N - Hi everyone, I'm sorry about the huge delay on updates. Obviously with the world being the way it is right now there haven't been many reasons to smile or to stay motivated. However I've read probably about 100 books during this lockdown and today all I wanted to do was write.**

 **I hope everyone is doing well and coping during this time.**

 **Remember to stay safe if you are participating in the movements and protests in the US at this time, and also to those in lockdowns or distancing.**

 **Love you all,**

 **Yuli xx**


	10. Chapter 9

**.**

 **Let The Wind Blow**

 **Chapter 9**

 **(Disclaimer – This chapter contains mentions of**

 **physical, emotional and sexual abuse, as well as trauma)**

* * *

I blinked.

 _ **Her mother?**_

"Your mother?" I repeated.

She nodded, and I could tell she didn't know how to explain it. There was so much blazing determination in her eyes, but also so much pain. I regretted ever wanting to question her on her past in that moment, it was clear whatever had happened to her was more than just bad. It caused her physical pain to even consider talking about it. I could see that from the way her hand shook with anger in my grip and how her face had paled in fear.

"I hate her. Everyday since I can remember I've hated her" She spit out the words with so much conviction that even Yasao seemed to freeze up.

I took a deep breath, not fully trusting the questions forming in my mind. I let one slip, "She's...she's the reason you're here?"

Haruhi nodded slowly, "Officer Nekozawa said this was the best place for me. They tried a halfway-house but...I wasn't good for it"

"Haruhi" I spoke slowly, planning out my next words, knowing that what I was about to ask was something that would be hard for her to answer. I squeezed her hand in mine, meeting her gaze and pouring all the comfort and strength into her I could manage,"What happened to you?"

She didn't look away, not even to blink. She just stared right back, and once again, her eyes filled with tears.

I felt her hand clench as if making a fist.

"You'll never look at me the same again" she whispered.

I shook my head, "Nothing you could say would change how I see you Haruhi"

She didn't look as if she believed me. Her expression turned to stone, as if she were silently chastising herself for getting upset with me. Right in front of me she was slipping back into herself, that steel mask she wore sliding back into place.

"You don't have to be in charge of your feelings all the time Haruhi. You're allowed to let them out" I spoke gently, "You can trust me"

Haruhi looked as if she were battling with herself. Stuck between telling me to fuck off or letting out the words on the tip of her tongue. Her brow furrowed in pain, and once again her eyes filled with angry tears, as if they were directed at herself.

Then a shaky breath passed her lips.

"Hana never wanted to be a mother" she whispered, "I wasn't planned. I was the result of an unprotected one-night stand, between her and some random client who met her on the street one night in the spring. She didn't even remember which client, no name, no memory of his face..." she swallowed and took a deep breath, "Her boyfriend at the time convinced her to keep me. She would get child funding from the government if she had a kid, and god knows she needed the money. She came and went, bringing whoever she wanted back to the apartment, and leaving me to fend for myself. I was in and out of school, mostly _out_ since she barely woke up in time to take me. I was ignored, neglected, forgotten most of the time"

I wanted to hold her again, to reassure her that she could tell me all of this without judgement. But I didn't want to risk ruining her train of thought. She looked so desperate to let it all out. I simply reached for her other hand, and caressed her knuckles with my thumbs. Her shoulders seemed to relax as she took another deep breath, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Her "friends" were nicer to me than she was. They'd say I was cute, and some regulars would bring me treats whenever they visited. I don't think she liked that much, she started calling me a whore, saying I was pining for her client's attention, as if I wanted them to notice me. She took advantage of that when I turned 13. I remember her brushing my hair one day and telling me how pretty I was, and how it would be a waste not to use that"

She chewed her lip, as if she were terrified of the next words that left her mouth.

Slowly and hesitantly, she leaned towards me and wrapped her arms around my neck once more. Her face hid in the crook of my neck and I embraced her tightly as she crawled further onto my lap. In the end, she simply curled up on me, as if she were a small child seeking comfort from her care giver. I was more than happy to oblige. Especially as I began to feel the burning anger that mingled between Yasao and I as we listened to her story.

"It was scary the first time" she whispered against my neck, "I just laid there and stared at the cracks in the ceiling, wishing it would end as I tried to block everything out. And yet...they always tried to look me in the eye. And _each_ and _every_ time all I could see was the evil inside them just staring back at me. And that was the worst part. It was easy to pretend it wasn't happening when I could focus on the ceiling, but when they looked at me...there was no way to pretend"

More tears soaked my shirt and it took everything I had inside me to stop myself from crying with her.

I could tell from the way the words spilled out that she'd never told anyone this story before. My chest burned as I did my best to stay strong for her. I wanted to be the rock she needed. I wanted to take every ounce of pain she felt and replace it with comfort and peace.

"It got easier over time" she exhaled, "I was able to just disconnect myself and let whatever happened happen; my mind going elsewhere until the man would leave. Hana paid more attention to me after that. She bought me clothes, make up, shoes, made sure I ate, made sure I smiled when I had to. I thought maybe it was all worth it just to have my Mother for a while. When each client left she'd tell me I did a good job and she was proud of me. It made me feel better"

I couldn't stand the horrible images that formed in my head. Imagining that poor young girl go through all of that, under the guidance of the one person who should have been there to protect her. My blood boiled, my hands balled into fists. I was angrier than I'd ever felt and Yasao was only fuelling it. Our rage melted together, both equally as fiery. And I knew in that moment that had this Hana been standing in the room with us, I would have let him do whatever he wanted to her.

But Yasao had gone eerily silent.

 _Are you okay?_

No answer.

"Near the end, she got a new boyfriend. Taichi. He was younger than her, only 10 years my senior, and he was nice to me. She started to notice how much attention he would give me and she hated it. She hated _me._ She stopped being so kind after that. The beatings got worse, the insults increased. She made sure I missed meals, I slept on the floor, she even shaved my head. My last week in that apartment was spent handcuffed to a boiler pipe in the living room as punishment for displeasing one of the clients. She'd bring her "friends" over to laugh at me and stare. Some would pour alcohol down my throat and kick me, some would just pretend I wasn't there and get what they came for and leave.

The last night I could barely form a coherent thought. I'd given up completely and just wanted it to end. When Hana left for the night Taichi stayed home, getting drunk and high as hell until he uncuffed me. I can still remember how his breath smelled as he dragged his lips over my face. I wanted to scream but my throat was so dry. Eventually before he could do anything I managed to shove him off me and ran. I ran for what felt like hours in the dark, until I came to a bridge...over the river..."

Her voice cracked and more fresh tears coated the side of my neck. I tried my best to contain my own, but failed as some broke through the barrier of my eyelids. I squeezed her tightly against me, wanting more than anything to take the pain away from her. If I could have switched places with her in that moment I would have. Without a moment's hesitation.

"I stared over the side and just waited. I don't know what for, but whatever it was, it never came. I wanted to go back in time. To make sure my mother never conceived me that day in spring..." she quivered, "But...as I let go of the barrier, and anticipated the pain and relief of barrelling into that rushing water, someone caught me and dragged me back over the fence. Nekozawa berated me for it, telling me I was too young, that I had _so_ much left to live for; but he had no idea what I was trying to escape from. I broke down and told him to take me away. To take me anywhere but back to that apartment"

She slowly pulled back, and looked straight into my eyes.

I tried to avert away, but she caught my chin in her hand.

"Don't look away" she whispered.

So I didn't.

And we just stared at each other.

My reply came in a whisper, "Why is it that I can look at you, but no one else can?"

The saddest smile touched her lips, "There's no evil in your eyes" hopeless droplets falling from her own.

I clasped her hand in mine.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. Not knowing what else to say. "No one deserves what happened to you. _Especially_ you"

Her eyes flickered between my own, then she lowered her head back into my shoulder, and let herself go.

* * *

We must have sat on the floor together for at least an hour. We didn't say anything else, I simply held her, slowly stroking my thumb along her shoulder blades until her sobs slowed and she went silent in my arms.

During that time not a word passed my lips, but a full conversation occurred in my head as Yasao spoke up for the first time since we entered the room.

 _ **We need to do something.**_

 _Like what? We can't change anything._

 _ **I don't know...just something. Something to make everything better.**_

 _I don't think we have that kind of power –_ I thought to him. I knew he meant well, and for the first time in so long I felt we were on the same page as one another. His energy was solely centred on Haruhi and how she felt, rather than on me and my problems.

Haruhi stirred in my lap, then slowly and silently untangled herself before sitting up against the closed door. I disliked the sudden distance more than I'd thought I would but stayed were I was, at a distance she was more comfortable with.

"Thank you" she uttered.

"Anytime" I replied just as quietly.

She offered what seemed to be an attempt at a smile, but instead it came across as an anxious tight line. She sighed, hugging her knees to her chest.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it..." I started, "But...the court date"

Her eyes fell shut, her head leaning back against the wood of the door.

"It's in 2 weeks" she whispered, "The chairman says they need my testimony if they're to be sentenced for their crimes involving me. As it is, they only have evidence of neglect due to school attendance and the condition of the apartment"

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

She shook her head stiffly, as if she'd already shut her feelings off.

"Did the others say anything?" she asked.

"Not really..." I replied, taking a risk as I moved to sit beside her. To my relief she didn't shy away, "They said they heard you shouting at the chairman. They were a little stunned..."

Haruhi sighed, her head tilting to rest against my shoulder.

"I feel ridiculous" she breathed.

"Why?"

"Why do you think?"

"You're allowed to be upset" I replied gently, "I think the others were just a little shocked since you don't ever show it"

 _ **They weren't the only ones.**_

"We're more worried than anything" I continued.

"I don't need people to worry about me" she murmured.

"You can't stop people from being concerned. Remember what I said about being friends?"

I felt her nod unconvincingly.

I sighed, deciding not to push it. Haruhi had come a long way with me tonight, the last thing I wanted was to push her into regretting it further.

"I was looking for you anyway. Before I knew all this..." I said.

"You were?"

I nodded.

"I'd just finished my session with Dr Huroi"

"Ugh" she grumbled.

"I second that 'Ugh'" I sighed, "He _'advised'_ me to stay away from you. He said you needed to focus on other things...I guess I know what he meant by that now"

A sound crossed between a huff and a growl passed Haruhi's lips, "I'm so done with people telling me what to do" she said, "Yesterday he sat me down and made me tell him everything I felt when Nekozawa pulled me off the bridge. It was so shit"

"I guess he's just doing his job. Getting in our heads" _Even if we don't want him to._ "I was thinking about asking for a new one"

"A new doctor?"

I nodded.

"I wish I could ask for a new one. But I've already been passed around everyone else, and all they did was patronise me. At least Huroi never did that"

"But why would he encourage you not to make friends?" I asked.

She shrugged, "I've never had a friend before. When he told me not to get too close to you, he said it was because I might put all my energy into you, rather than focusing on myself"

 _ **I'm not buying it.**_

"He told me he can't force us to stay apart. He can only advise it" I said.

"Are you going to?"

"Going to what?"

"Stay away from me?"

 _ **Hell no.**_

"Of course not" I scoffed, "If there's one thing I'm great at, it's not listening to advise"

That earned me a laugh.

"Thanks Hikaru" she smiled softly.

"Anytime"

"Please don't tell anyone what I told you today. I kind of like people not knowing"

"My lips are sealed"

"Same goes for Yasao"

 _ **Cross my heart.**_

"He says okay" I smirked.

Her hand reached for mine, and our fingers laced together on her lap. I caught myself smiling as we sat there a while longer in comfortable silence.

* * *

 **This chapter was a little shorter than my others due to it's content. Obviously this chapter featured a lot of sensitive themes that can be triggering to some. I want to make it clear that it's not my intention to glamourize or remove any severity from real life situations, as someone who has personally experienced forms of abuse I wanted to make sure this chapter addressed the lasting effects of depression and PTSD that can occur due to trauma both in childhood and adulthood. I am someone who suffers from long term PTSD and depression, and has also experienced suicidal thoughts which resulted in receiving medical treatment, therefore the last thing I wanted to do was sugar coat the dark aspects but also didn't want to boil these themes down to entertainment. This includes any of the other mental illnesses I have featured.**

 **Below I have listed helplines and websites for both the US and UK. If you have experienced any of these themes and need someone to talk to, there are always resources you can access and people you can confide in.**

 **Hotlines**

 **UK Samaritans Hotline -** 116 123

 **USA Suicide Hotline -** 1-800-784-2433

 **More info on DID (ones I used)**

 **NHS Website  
** **PSYCHOLOGY TODAY  
** **DissociaDID on Youtube**


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